Whew! Now THAT'S how to write a love scene! Why can't the young ones understand that it's what you DON'T describe but what you entice the reader to imagine . . . now THAT'S real erotica! And there's something about the 2nd person thing that makes it that much more intimate -- I felt positively voyeristic!
I can't imagine where you are going to take Alexis from here. It should prove interesting -- and her reaction the morning after this little rendevous should be telling as well. Beautiful descriptions, by the way. Like I said, you give us just tantalizing little hints rather than the whole enchilada, and that's much more exciting. Wonderfully done.Author's Response: LOL! Thank you! I am never more proud of anything than my smut :P Is it bad that the biggest compliment this story ever bought me was several offended reviews because of the amount of sex and the calibur of it :P I seem to always refer back to "but - but they're all still clothed!!!"
Wonderful start to this chapter. Now I see that Soren is not only an old lover, but an entire package deal; manor house, dynastic grandmother, house elves and all. No wonder she ran -- it's a very seductive yet suffocating lifestyle.
And now you've shaken up Alexis' current sorta-comfy life and are setting her up for some big decisions, I suspect. Old life is calling; new life has suddenly dropped out from beneath her, so she must go in a new direction. I think.
This is so much more fun then just having her switch jobs or locations, with no motivation. I don't know how much thought or planning you put into writing; I know some folks plan and design and adhere to outlines. I suspect you go from the gut, just let it flow out of the pen (or the keyboard) on pure instinct. Seems a lot of folks who are also visual artists prefer this method. I find this style quite freeing and fresh to read, and multifaceted as well. I'm enjoying myself immensely!Author's Response: I'm not a big planner - I tend to get a general guideline for the big picture of the story - a means and a method for getting from point a to point b - and then let it go from there. I'm very much a character driven author. With that having been said, I've done it before with stories and I will probably do it again at some point - depending on what the goal of the story is. Here, however, the story was about Alexis, rather than her just being a character in a story, so I have let her guide things to a degree.
I'm glad you're enjoy it and thank you for the reviews! Report Review
Ahh, so Soren is her destiny? Don't you just luuuv a story with a woman fighting her worst enemy -- herself? Makes that 2nd person thing a marvelous tool to use, when it's an absolute necessity to climb into her head and show the reader her various inner conflicts.
Your descriptions continue to wow me. So much packed into just a few words! One of my favorites in this chapter: "Paige spit mango smoothie all over the peanut shell strewn floor." Ahhhh, mental picture nirvana!!
Also, I believe yours is only the 2nd I've seen to utilize chapter graphics. Very, very nice work, and the pics so far have been very supportive of the chapter (I'm practicing self-control and not peeking at the others until I'm ready to read). Thanks again for a lovely read!Author's Response: Soren is...Soren is a problem, for Alexis. Soren is obnoxious in the way that he is always there, challenging the things that she wants.
I'm glad that you enjoy the descriptions here. I always worry that they are too much.
The chapter images weren't something created during the story, actually. After i'd finished it I wanted to polish it off with chapter images since I knew exactly how many I needed and would be gaurenteed that they would all match. Me, I just like pretty :P
Thanks for taking the time to review yet another chapter :) Report Review
Saw your request on the Reviews thread and since I don't believe I've reviewed you yet, I'll give this a go. I generally don't read a long fic in one setting; I aim for 1 or 2 chapters a day.
Firstly, to the second person POV. Yes, it's a bit strange to read at first, but like taking up Shakespeare or Austen, once you get into the flow, it gets easier; so I'm not bothered at all about that. I think you should keep it as it really brings the reader into the lap of your main character and her view of the world.
You have a truly wonderful ability to, in a rather short amount of time, give us so much insight into your main characters life JUST by describing how she gets up in the morning. Amazing!! You never say, 'she was a free-spirit yet not entirely satified with her life'. You detail the moldy chicken in the frig, the stranger in her bed, painting on makeup and the color of underwear. This is MUCH more fun than 'she was a dark-haired medium-sized blah-blah-blah'. I'm most definitely going to remember this technique in my future writing!
Only one part sorta confused me: "Sure, the woman was four years your junior". Does this mean the mother is actually the step-mother of Alexis? But again, just a teeny part.
I don't know how much further you will show us Alexis in her pub environs, but it would be quite fun to see her maneuvering the various personalities she is bound to come into contact with in there. But our abrupt and lively introduction to Soren will probably steer us in a new direction.
Again, a wonderful, sophisticated (but not annoyingly so) start to this story!Author's Response: Normally I don't respond to reviews this quickly but I wanted to thank you for taking up the task and let you know that I made a second note (I had actually flagged that area as a loose end but didn't realize it was also confusing).
For your reference, my intended meaning was that there is Alexis' mother, whom she loathes, her father, who she would loathe but she doesn't know him all tha twell because he doesn't pay that much attentio to anything but work - and his mistress, the girl that is four years her junior. For some reason, I dont think my explanation is any less confusing, is it :P
Thank you for the compliments and the input! Report Review
Nvm..no students lol. But I think the R/Hr thing is funny. Great writingAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Hahahah! I LOVE IT! Who is the little kid?! Is it Draco?!?
KrysAuthor's Response: No, probably not Draco. I never really defined who the student was - not even in my mind. I only chose Slytherin as a house because they're notoriously snooty and resistent to authority. I figured they would be the most apt to try and stare dwon an Auror. Report Review
Wow...That was really good. Lol. I love the way you made it to where we knew everything that was going on but very indirectly.Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
I have read this with a thought always in mind: what would you find if you could crawl deep (and I mean, really deep) into the subconscious of a human being, and discover that what you've been searching for was always right there, in front of you? This is perhaps one of the best written works of fan fiction I've read in a long time, and I mean that seriously. I have looked at many works of writing of different genres (not as many as you), and each embossed a simple stamp of simplicity pallidly imploring "please read and be kind to review with an open mind." I only intend to be direct. This piece was fabulously philosophical, exploring the themes of adult contemplation, emotion, and savageness with an austerity that speaks loudly of your character. Therefore, I have chosen not to review until now only for the purpose of giving this piece a well-rounded review.
You end this story with a line that I'll always remember since it struck me as utterly genuine: indeed, it is something that you would truly ponder in the final reaches of a relationship. So, I guess, you end this story by bringing Alexis from the young, almost immature girl she was at the beginning of the story, to the emotionally hardened woman she is at the end. Your descriptions were so powerful, so enlivening, so completely real, my mind (and this is hard to accomplish) imagined the stark realities Alexis was living as she experienced them, and I felt there with her the pains and joys (she did have some) of her daily life. You have also given the reader a final, heart-touching glimpse of the bond that finally establishes itself between Soren and Alexis—almost an ode to the inseparable connection they must now live with. Alexis has stopped escaping (or if that's too harsh, she has slowed herself down for the time), and I needn’t offer you proof of that in the end. Perhaps your ending was a little rushed, but I think endings can come when you don’t want them to, as stalemates to those lonely nights typing away at your computer screen. In the end, you must either finalize (not necessarily conclude), or let the story play itself out however it will...
I cannot exclaim how incredibly expressive this story has been for me: it has widened my eyes to a different side of the human nature of Life—of that sometimes obscured, darkened, and wicked side that mankind very often forgets (or wishes to subdue). It tells, most importantly, of *our* own “Chronicles of Life.” For all your future endeavours, “ti auguro buona fortuna...” MattAuthor's Response: Tell me, would you find it acceptable if I simply responded to this review with an emoticon? Perhaps this one - !!!!0_0!!!
This review has been sitting, the most flattering review i've ever recieved, for over six months. I admit, I've tried to reply to it something like ten times and then, in a throw of idiocy, I re-read it and become thoroughly convinced that anything I say will be as horribly inadequate as this is turning out to be. Nevertheless, this time, I have a strong conviction: i'm not re-reading your review.
I know, that sounds bad, but trust me, I know what it says. Really, I just felt horrid leaving this unanswered as though it were some sort of leper review that I loathed.
People say this a lot but, really, thank you for reviewing. Report Review
great chapter. I can't wait to see what happens next between lexi and soren.Author's Response: Alas, I sincerly doubt there will be a sequel. Actually, that's misleading and unfair - I know beyond the shadow of a dobut that there won't be a sequel. I am glad that you would like to see one though - it's always good to know someone enjoyed something enough to want more :) Report Review
i thought it was really good. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
well once I recovered from the shock of finding an update - and not just any update, the final update! - I was reading this like a shot, didn't even stop to log in as you can see :p. Congrats on finishing this! :).There were a couple of mistakes in here, very minor, but I would feel my review incomplete if I didn't point out something :p. did you notice the firm, doubtless brusing bruising. to capture their fearless leaders speech and his adoring leader's.I think this has to be my favourite chapter in this fic. Alexis was just written wonderfully, and you ended her story well. There were some classic Alexis moments in here It’s always darkest before it’s totally black and Listing all of the things I would rather be doing… among them. She's very unique, I think, and I've never read anyone quite like her; it's part of what makes me like her character so much.My favourite part had to be the party, especially when she was looking for the escapes, and the bit she realised her mother was there :D. You made me laugh with the thoughts you wrote down of hers, especially the listing thing, timed that one just right. But I htink the most important thing was that, though she looked for the escape routes, she didn't use a single one. I don't care if they were unavailable or whatever; she could have found a way :p. Also the fact that she didn't complete that sentence, when really I don't think she would've cared not that long ago spoke volumes.Wonderful end. I'm glad she's stopped running, and I'm glad she's getting over her denial, even if she's got a ways to go on the committment thing probably (who doesn't?). I really enjoyed reading this story and you've written it very well. Thank you for finishing it :).Author's Response: This is possibly the logest it has ever taken me to respond to a review. I posted this chapter - when? Sorry about that!
I like to write characters that are first and foremost neurotic and bitter. Alexis is, perhaps, the polar definition of neurotic and bitter, but she's fun and I like that. One of the things i've missed most about this story is playing with Alexis because she was a blast to write.
Thank you for reviewing it! Report Review
Ah, Alexis... the girl I love to... be completely confused by. And in parting, you leave me exactly as we met, confused and still not sure if I should be completely angry with you, pity you, be happy for you, worry for you... As such, I don't really know if I like this story or not. Weird, huh? It's just so completely different from anything I've ever read and I have nothing to compare it to so I can say "Yep, this is as good as [Stephen King, JKR, Charles Dickens]". And so, as I sit here in confusion, wondering what sort of criticism I can give, typing words to fill time in hopes that inspiration will strike...
I'm really glad I read this, because it has broadened my horizon. I'm not sure that's a good thing, but once your horizon broadens, it's really hard to narrow back down, so... thank you for that.
Watch your spelling. ;-) Really great work here, BE. Author's Response: Poor Steve.
I once thought that you would be the only boy who ever read this story from start to finish and then, behold, another boy appears as if out of no where.
Your title has been lost, my friend. Sorry.
I think I like that you can't decide if you liked the story or not. And, hey, I did get you to read Half-Asleep in Frog Pajama's, so my work here is pretty much done :P Report Review
You know, when I read this through the first time I couldn’t help but think that it was too abruptly ended. But then I read through it again and I realized that probably if you had tried to drag it out longer or add more to it somehow the entire piece could have easily been ruined. If you had gone into some gushy prose it would have been out of character for both you and Alexis ;-) So, even though I would have loved to have seen more, I’m glad you didn’t try force it in there for the sake of it.
Everything was perfect - the characterization, the setting. You brought this piece to and ending that was just right. Oh, and I loved that last line - it was classic :-)
This story was so unique from anything on the archive and I can honestly say that I’ll be missing it. It was a brilliant piece that I enjoyed from start to finish. I’ve told you quite a few times how much I love your writing style, so I’m not going to bore you with reiterations ^_^ But I will say that not many people can really write about life with such raw honesty – that’s the one thing that has really fascinated me about your works. You don’t bother with flowery description, yet you can still give a beautifully elegant impression when called for, and there is always that sense of realism… even when you get fluffy ;-)
I admit to being a bit disappointed that you won’t be doing much fanfiction – Extempore is the only reason I’ll even glimpse at the Remus/Tonks section any more (the other fifty stories there are utter drabble). But I do think it’s wonderful that you’re going to delve into original pieces – that means that I’ll still be able stop by and ramble incessantly about how much I love your work ;-)Author's Response: Thank you!
I have to say, I felt the same way about ending it where it did. In reading the story from starting to finish, as I have been while trying to fix some of the quite-so-many things that are wrong with it, I really think that the story came to a good and logical end where it did, for more than just the sake of characterization, the story that I wanted to tell was told.
I'm responding to this quite a while after you posted it (because I suck) so I can't sya much other than I have been doing a bit of updating on Extempore and perhaps in your wanderings, you'll see it. :)
I'm going to go do something else now before my head gets very very very large :) Report Review
i kinda wish this was longer... u ended it rather quickly??? ah well, i still love this fic anyway. =)Author's Response: Ending it abruptly was really the only thing to be done. To take it further would have required chapters and chapters of development on Alexis' part and, given that my heart was no longer in writing the story, it seemed like the natural end point. To boot, I like a story that doesn't have a conclusion - even though it has an ending :) Report Review
ooo what a chapter! You manage to convey the inner workings of Alexis's mind so well in your writing of her. I could almost feel the foundations of her resistence crumbling as Soren explained how he had come after her. I wonder if, now that so many of her reasons for not staying with her have been taken away, she'll give in, give herself over, and find (hopefully) that it wasn't too much of a sacrifice after all. One act of swallowing her pride, and she could find a world well worth it. Although Soren is right when he says he knows she loves him, I'm not sure if he could have said anything worse to speak to the part of her that wants to hate him. She's the sort that likes to be unpredictable, to hold the cards and not be easily read. I can see why she resents him, but I don't think she can deny her feelings to herself for much longer. I hope she takes the risk and finds the courage to lay herself bare, and doesn't run away this time. She can only run for so long, after all. How many chapters do you think are still left, out of interest? Anyway, I've really anjoyed reading all that's posted of this story, and think you write your characters very well. A really great fic :-)Author's Response: Gosh, I have no idea how many are left. Probably less, rather than more. I never will rush the ending of a story in terms of actually writing it out, but I'm also not going to be one to drag the process out either, or i'll go mad :P Report Review
ok so I found myself doing absolutely nothing and was drawn back to finish reading this story (told you I'd finish it soon). Despite the fact you seem to have hated writing her at Hogwarts, it was my favourite part of the story so far :P. Althogh now she's back with Soren, I suppose the story can end and all. At first when she was staying with some female that got on her nerves, I thought it could be Tonks (wouldn't that have been amusing), or Paige. I mainly wanted it to be Tonks, but Paige is just as good I suppose. That losing battle is catching up with Alexis finally, and I'm intrigued as to how you're going to end this. Anyway, pretty short review, but the last chapter is calling to me. Great chapter :-)Author's Response: So am I :) (The intrigued bit) Due to some prodding, i'll be dusting this bad boy off after another 6 months hiatus, but it needs to come to it's close soon enough :)
Thanks for sticking through it! Report Review
well I have to agree with your reasonably reliable source; your writing is getting better :P. Don't mind if you don't believe me, but I'm telling you anyway. Only thing I keep noticing is that Hogsmeade should have an e on the end, it's mentioned so often it just keeps springing out at me, sorry. Now your passage about snow and the tiny lies, wow, so loved the imagery you had going on there. It's all very reflective and self examining this story, and you don't come across many like that in hp. I truly love this what you've created here, and I've never come across a written character quite like Alexis. She's a wonderful fit for the story, and I had to laugh in this chapter when she was stuck with the students. You write her character so well and consistently, from her grudging admission to Dawlish's ability to deal with her to her fiery defence to Tonks's questioning. Of course I want Alexis to realise everything that's staring her int he face and admit things to herself, yet I partly want her to never change, she just makes such captivating reading. Anyway, I'll stop rambling on now, basically these last two chapters (the ones you don't like) are brilliant, and I love this story to pieces now :DAuthor's Response: One review a day. If i respond to one review a day everything will be OK and I will catch up - I will! Sorry this has taken so long, hon - you leave great reviews and I just sit there and stare at them for ages ;) No appologies needed on the spelling errors. I'm a notoriously bad speller and worse when i'm doing something that hasn't been looked over by a beta reader. Have no fears, however, as of April 28th, the overhaul on this story that makes it fit to remain posted will begin :) (Be happy!) Alexis is just too much fun. I think she's easy to keep consistent because I know her - I mean, I know her. (Not in that creepy "I've written myself into a story" way - in a much less weird, she's a personality type I understand way) I'm glad someone is enjoying this :P Report Review
I have to disagree that htis was a pathetic excuse for a chapter, I loved it! And damn you and your cliffies, I'm going to have to read the next chapter at least now ;-). I can't help feeling sorry (or maybe exasperated) with Alexis (I'm sure she'd throw something at me if she knew, of course). She can't just admit to herself that she loves Soren, instead choosing to punish herself, when everyone else sees it all so much clearer. I wanted to hit her when she took the necklace off, what does she think she has to proove? She's fighting a losing battle anyway, but I doubt her pride would let her concede it. She's a wonderful character, though, very real, with real faults and flaws that make you love her all the more. This has to be my favourite chapter so far (and I understood exactly what was going on in all of it! :P ), and I think it's a wonderful story. Off to read more!Author's Response: I always love writing Alexis and you've picked up on her character well. She looks at things differently than most and removing the necklace was one way she was trying to distance herself. Thanks for the great review and I'm glad you liked the chapter! Report Review
back again, sorry about my very irregular reviewing, I will finish this story sometime soon, though. Well now, this was an interesting chapter, she got to become an auror, and I loved all your characters at the office. I'm a little confused as to why Soren was protesting her leaving so much after he'd been the one to get her the job with only her exams, or did I read that wrong? There were an awful lot of 'he's' who I didn't really place, though I think I'm accustomed to the style you write in now, and I quite like it. That was the only thing I hadn't figured out too well by the end of the chapter. My favourite line in this was, "You grinned, or possibly suffered a temporary seizure from alcohol poisoning, but what the hell", just made me laugh :D. Alexis is a wonderful character (I'm sure next chapter I'll hate her or something of course), and i like how you write her in this chapter. The bit when she was trying to remember stuff about Jameson was especially good, but I liked her throughout, really. Another excellent chapter :-)Author's Response: Thank you!
Soren's just gotten her back, he doesn't want her to leave again - or to be put in any kind of danger. For all that he loves about her, he doesn't have a lot of faith in her follow through - and for good reason. He knows Alexis isn't one to start a project and finish it. Report Review
(sorry, not logged in... too lazy, lol) Woah... I can't believe it. You like Starbucks TOO!? That's bloody awesome! Wait, you DO like Starbucks right???Author's Response: I only like coffee with my oxygen. Report Review
great chapterAuthor's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
ooo what a place to leave it (again). You have a few more of the breacketed corrections in here, right at the beginning, but otherwise the chapter seemed perfect. I think it's my favourite one so far, though I'm not sure why. It's cool that Alexis is back in the wizarding world again, though I have no clue where you're taking this story. It's quite effective to be left somewhat in the dark, though. I really liked the line abotu the funeral march playing as they went up the drive :D, mad eme laugh. ooo and the interaction between Alexis and Soren was very good, I really liked it. Soren was very likable this chapter, and perhaps Alexis was very hard on him when she wouldn't see him at the beginning of this fic. I can't decide which one of them I like, so I'm going with them both, even if one of them has to have been in the wrong. The frantic searching for parchment to write to her mother also made me laugh, love the touch of the dynamics of Alexis's family. Zimmie is also a great character, and the part where she said that Alexis looked as if she needed a cup of tea was great :D. Still loving this story, especially your characters, they really bring it all to life :-)Author's Response: Yeah, I'm sorry about that. The summary on this story is...well, less than illustrative :) Partially because this story sort of drives itself. I have a vauge concept for what I wanted to achieve - mainly character growth, but the plotpoints of how that happens are entirely up in the air, which leads to a lot of "huh?" in the summary department.
Really, I don't think you're crazy for not being able to pick one. In the end, they're both in the wrong, really. I tend to prefer Soren on a self-rightious level - he manhandles her a bit in every context but no one can blame him for it after all she is. It's the only way he can get through to her in any capacity. But, yeah, in they both made, and make, bad calls :) Report Review
made it back once again. Guess what? yeah, I loved the chapter :D. At the beginning when Paige is helping her unpack, she seems to just disappear from the room near to the end of that part. And there's a couple of brackets within the chapter with corrections, possibly from your beta that you missed? I can't decide whether I believe that Soren was actually there or if they really were just dreams. Seeing as I'm getting the impression he's a bit of a manipulative <<tag not allowed="red">tag not allowed="red">censored, I'm going with he was there in some form or another. I really like your descriptions; you include the captivating details without boring, and really lock the reader into the story. Another great chapter :-)Author's Response: Soren is probably whatever it is you think he is - pretty much any four letter word - but you have to admit, he's sexy :)
Yeah, those are beta corrections, in all likelyhood. This poor story has been so abused. Glad to seeyou back, though! Report Review
I love the way this turned out, but, of course, you already know that. She came off with just enough weakness to be changed but just enough tartness to still be here. His pronouncement of knowing her so well, knowing her thoughts, was wonderful and about time someone called her on the carpet. I know this has been a tough go for you but you have so much to be proud of here. This story has grown amazingly with each chapter and I looked forward to the next.Author's Response: I cannot escape your reviews :)
Ah, I love ya :) This chapter was like pulling teeth but I really am reasonably happy wtih the way that it turned out and I couldn't have done it without you! Report Review
You have a knack with certain pieces of description, you give them so much power, one cant help but focus on those punchy pieces of information. I especially liked - Nothing says love like complete denial - How true. Once again you emphasise what we know to be true but deny to ourselves, you really are uncanny in that skill. I am waiting here, wanting to know what she is going to do next. Will she recover that biting sarcasm or will she finally give in to what she feels. Absolutely the best chapter yet, short but concntrated with punch, loved it.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
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