"He fidgeted slightly as he looked at her and she felt her anger begin to dissipate. She had always had a weak spot for befuddled James." - My favourite bit.
This was awesome. :) Worth the wait.Author's Response: so glad to hear it, thank you! Report Review
I'm back again... I liek this chapter because we get to witness our main characters in different situations: with different characters vs. with each other.
So far, my only criticism is that I feel like the characters' motives could be more clear. In other words, we don't see into their heads very often. We never get to hear their thoughts and to me, I really need to hear inside the main character's head.
Other than that, it's great! I love the story line you're taking and I love the way you chacracterized Remus. I also, think the flow is fine from chapter to chapter, as you had listed that under your concerns.
I'll be back =]
~CBGAuthor's Response: primarily, you will see this revolving around James, not lily, so I'm afraid you won't have much insight into her psyche save for the points at which she makes some sort of admission... but i will try to work on delving further into James's reasoning! Report Review
Hey again... back for more =]
I like how the plot is moving fast, no dawdling!
A few negative comments: Some of your word choices were "different" like I couldn't quite get what you were trying to say the first time. Also, some of your sentences were a bit "run-on" sounding. This is all just grammar criticism though, not too big of a deal =]
I really like where you're going with this. Usually authors take Lily/James and turn it into a mess of cheesiness and mush but you're really taking aunique road with this fic and it's refreshin to read!
I'll continue if I have time later on =]
~CBGAuthor's Response: darn, i suppose I'll have to talk to my beta about that and see if we can work on that... thanks so much for the update on that, btw.
and I'm so ecstatic to hear you don't find it cheesy, thank you! Report Review
Well, I'm back and I must say it's getting even better!
My only criticism is that I'm not very clear on why exactly it is James broke up with Lily. Maybe I missed something but it seems as if he regreats it so much that he almost had no reason to end it in the first place.
Other than that, it's great. I especially love the way you're writing Sirius =] I'll move on to the next chapter but definitely a good job all around so far!
~CBGAuthor's Response: ah, i do actually delve into that as the fic goes on, so luckily for me this is a worry i actually address [yay, me! lol]
thank you so much! Report Review
Hey... btw, I'm jetergirl from the forum (my username is different from my penname =])
Okay, so I always like to give the constructive criticism first and then the compliments... it gives the reviews a happy tone!
The only slight problem I have is that I prefer stories to start at the beginning, but that's just a personal preference I guess!
I am so excited to keep reading because James/Lily is the most unpredictable pairing and you've really done a good job "hooking" the reader with the first chapter!
So, overall, great job so far!
~CBGAuthor's Response: i know flash forwards aren't quite everyone's favorite inclusion, but i felt i should pay homage to the fact that this was really the scene that gave me the idea for the fic [just popped into my head as i was taking a shower, really] and it embodies the piece perfectly... i think, at least.
thank you! Report Review
amazing chapter!! and story, please update soon!Author's Response: thank you. Report Review
It was great again. :) I really love this story, please update quickly! I'm dying to know what happens.Author's Response: oh thank you! Report Review
It's incredible. The whole thing so far.
That's about all there is to say. The character development is great so far. You're a fantastic writer.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
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