Oh my, talk about a cliffhanger! Now I'm nervous about the next chapter. As in shaking-with-anticipation-nervous. I'm sure this can only spell trouble for Grace as she can hardly evade it for too long. One of the most enjoyable elements to this chapter were the interactions between the characters - Grace with Black and Grace with Hugo. It's clear to see that the two men are each other's opposites, and I really like how you displayed that. But at the same time, they shared a common thread - Grace. And if I'm being completely honest with you, I don't know which one I should "root for", so to speak. I love both characters for entirely different reasons - your Hugo is far beyond amazing and certainly much better than the one I've created for a plethora of reasons - and can't wait to see where you take this. I'm literally on the edge of my seat. Update when you can! This was great!Author's Response: Molly! Hey there! Haha, I'm starting the seventh chapter right now. Shaking with anticipation? Don't be! :P Grace does seem to be able to sneak her way out of situations a little too often, doesn't she? I'm glad you liked the interactions. Who to root for? Well, whichever one you prefer, my dear! And I've just read Committed so you have absolutely NO reason to tell me that your Hugo is inferior to mine. I love him! He's hilarious! Thank you so much for this, Molly! -hugs-
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Yes! New chapter! And this review is going to be very short since I don't have time to squee over the entire thing right now. But let me just say that even though it was a filler, it was awesome. I can't wait to see what you have planned to happen next, Kalina!Author's Response: Lee! Thank you so much for reviewing - I'm happy you found it worked, despite the filler! XOXO, Kalina Report Review
Ah, I love Hugo! I love him to little bitty, teeny tiny pieces! He's adorable, especially in his concern for Grace's wellbeing. Like I told you on TGS, I love the dynamic in Black and Grace's relationship; it makes me smile like no other. Also, the snakes thing was very Indiana Jones-ish to me, which I love! Only two chapters in, and I'm nearly ready to profess my undying love for it! Once again, your descriptions were to die for and I find myself green with envy. Great work!Author's Response: Haha! Molly, you are too, too sweet. Seriously, I don't deserve this praise! Hugo is one of my favorite characters to write, and as the fic goes on I hope you'll see precisely why. :) The snakes were very much inspired by Indiana Jones, which is probably why I get so many comments about it! XD LOL! Thank you so, so much for this amazing review! I'm so happy you liked it!
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Talk about intrigue! I was in awe from the first paragraph. The descriptions in this are so vivid, it's enough to make my mouth salivate. Right, that didn't come out the way I intended - what I meant to say is that they're tangible, like you can taste the dryness of the air on the back of your tongue and feel the sweat clinging to your skin. In other words, I felt like I was there, right in the desert with them. I'm still a little breathless, to be honest. It's beautifully written and I like how you didn't take time to explain the Pestilence. Adds to the mystery, I suppose.
And the characters! Oh, the characters! I think I'm already in love with Black. Of course, it might just be because I know that he looks like Daniel Craig and I swoon at the very mention of his name. But I really like how believable you made him - he doesn't seem like your typical leading male type and I dig that. A lot. And I think Grace is pretty tight in her own right. She seems very strong without being domineering or commanding of attention, which, again, I like very much. Last but not least, HUGO! ACK. I saw his name crop up only a handful of times, and already I love him. Is this is the seemingly forgotten Hugo Weasley or does he just so happen to share the same name? Hmm, I guess I'll have to read on to find out.
Basically, this is simply stunning, Kalina, and I can't wait to read more. My senses are already tingling in anticipation! Report Review
Yay ^_^ fantastic job, this story just gets better and better and I cannot wait for more but I will if I have to. I could picture everything as you described it and as I said before I love your writing style.
SandyAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm so pleased that you like it, but before I respond in full - I have to thank you for reviewing every chapter. It means so much, and it just makes me feel great and every time I read your reviews, my day gets better. So thank you, thank you!!
Chapter six will come soonish, but now I don't have to worry about the queue. I'm so happy you like it!
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Dare I say it but the last POV with Hugo reminded me of Artemis Fowl :), that is meant to be a compliment I love that book and character. Anyway you got me riding on the edge of my seat begging for more with all this excitement and mystery. But I see there is only one more chapter left before I have to wait for updates so I'm not sure if I want to risk stumbling across a cliffy in the next chapter. Hmm we'll see how I hold out, fantastic job!Author's Response: Artemis Fowl! Haha! That's interesting, though his character does somewhat resemble the multimillionaire genius. Minus the money, I suppose. XD Aha! Well, to prolong the suspense (evil, aren't I? :P) I suppose I'll not tell you whether there is a cliffy in the next chapter. I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story! Thank you so much for your very kind reviews. :)
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Ah!! Ok missy you are lucky because if there wasn't another chapter up I would be freaking out right now with that major cliffhanger you got going on there. *Composes self* But since there is a next chapter already up I will say this was a very entertaining funny and action filled chapter. I love your writing style and the words you use in your descriptions just add to the wonderful authenticity of the story and setting. Also I can tell you researched and planned this story out well and am vastly impressed.Author's Response: Hehehe! :) I'm so pleased you liked the chapter, and more so that you found it funny. I have issues with humor, seeing as I never seem to get it right. =( You know the funny thing? I never really did research it completely. Sure, a few things, but never extensively so. In any case, thank you so much for reading, and of course, reviewing!!
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Ahh!! And it gets better ^_^ I love me some adventure, this was fantastic, I loved the action it was very well written and I am already growing fond of Hugo.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm very happy you liked Hugo and your compliments make me go absolutely crimson. -blushes-
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what a great chapter! :) i love the way you write the different characters, especially hugo. he's my favourite. i also adore the plot! it's so original and i like how you integrated a canon without making their every thought of their family or their previous life. however, even though i'm sure your intention was to make it fast-paced, i think that sometimes you.. i'm not sure how to describe it, but it seems that the pest was dealt with pretty quickly... or is there more to come regarding it? but yeah, overall it's a great story! there's adventure, humour and there may even be some love if i inferred correctly. awesome job :D Report Review
Oh very nice. Excellently written and this is certainly a story I have not come across before ^_^. I'm liking Black and not liking him at the same time which is just awesome. I will most definitely continue on reading.
Also the banner is amazing.
SandyAuthor's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing! I'm happy you're so undecided about Black - I didn't want him to fit into the stereotypical "hero" mold. The beautiful banner was made by the talented Llyralen here at HPFF (the_tofuubeaver @ TDA). Isn't it amazing? I'm absolutely in love with it.
Thank you so much! XOXO, Kalina Report Review
This might be the most original story I've ever read! The imagery is really great - I can see everything in my mind's eye and I'm so excited for whatever else you're planning for it ! :) Author's Response: The most? -blushes profusely- My dear, you flatter me entirely too much. There are billions of more original stories out there than mine. But thank you so much for this absolutely lovely review!
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I really like this. It's always interesting to see a fanfiction set outside of England, and Grace and Black seem to be great characters, and together they make an interesting pairing. I love your description; it really keeps me on the edge of my seat as they fought their way through the curses of the pyramid. I don't really like swearing in fics, but the plot is engaging enough for me to read past that. ^_^ Keep up the good work! Report Review
I have to admit you are weaving quite a story here with your imaginative additions to the world here. I would be surprised that some of what you write is based in Egyptian research but over all you did a nice job with what you have so far.Author's Response: Well, I didn't overly go into research mode, but I like to think that it holds (somewhat) true. I might be adapting this into an original novel, so then I will definitely invest more time in research. But I'm so happy you found it was entertaining! Thank you very much for the review. ^_^
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- it was approximately 900 dollars -
I thought I'd point this one out to you. Why would Hugo think in the terms of dollars? He is British and a wizard. I think you would do better to have him calculate in the terms of Pounds or Galleons, or just not calculate at all because five thousand EPG sounds impressive as is.
Also I like how you explained how muggle tech can be around magic seeing as muggle tech tends to go on the fritz around magic. Interesting story still. I like how you write Hugo.
Oh and sorry it's been such a long wait for this review and the next one I am hoping to make today. Life got busy and the new Sims 3 proved to be ever distracting as well. Report Review
Wonderful chapter as always! I loved the snarky little carpet - it's a nice contrast to that subservient, ever obedient little carpet from Aladdin. I loved the ending to the chapter as well.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
- Mini Report Review
what a thrilling story! I love the charachters! I love the plot! I love this entire story!
Congradulations on your marriage! =]
Max is my idol in this fic. He reminds me of Sirius Black and James Potter - well thats what I think anyway! Grace strikes me as a proud independant woman bravo for creatin her. Take great pride in this story - it's a brilliant one!
Im giving you 9/10 - and thats the highest i'll ever give because giving 10/10 means its perfect and nothings ever perfect! Report Review
Omg..what an adrenline rush! I stumbles across this story purely by chance and wow its like finding a fiver in your jeans pocket!
I love this story! Im not normally into OC's but im so intrigued by these two. Your way with words is brilliant. Good job as a writer!
Cant wait to read the rest. Report Review
Hello there! LuckySeven here with your review! I must say that I like your casting list idea. Very...*looks for word* very canny of you. :)
So anyway, I haven't read the chapter yet, because I wanted to give you a first impression of the summary.
Here it is: Love it! I can't wait to read this. And...sensing a fellow James Bond fan? ;)
Ok here are my favorite parts of this chapter:
Your first paragraph.
-My jaw dropped. All I could think was. oh my gosh. this is going to be everything I was hoping for!
"However profane and degrading his previous life had been, she would not stand for it to be so now. At least not without her consent. She was in control now."
-hehe. I love it when the butt-kicking female lead character takes charge. Good job. :)
"Black turned back, surprise etched on his swarthy face."
-Just because you used the word 'swarthy'. I admire high vocabulusness. *I just made that phrase up.*
Just so you know I struggled not to quote every other paragraph just now. :)
Anyway, my first reaction after reading this was: *squee* This is one of those stories that would make an amazing movie. I want more.
So you wanted characterization and plot?
I love your characters! There are authors who have issues writing all (or mostly) OC stories. You aren't one of them. Marvelous job. There is no way your characters are Mary-Sues/Joes. They are individual and real.
Your plot is *looks around in awe* ORIGINAL! Congratulations! *confetti falls on your head*
And while I'm on this train of thought, perfect chapter length! Not too long, not too short, plenty of suspense, equal parts exposition and rising action.
Well, thats all I've got for you today! Please return to my review thread and request chapter two so I can continue with the wonderful goodness you have here. :)
Have a Splendiferously Fantacular Day!,
10/10(Obviously! :D ) Report Review
Interesting yet again. The plot isn't bad and the characters are quite good some of the acronyms I did not understand so you might want to make a note for those who aren't familiar with the terms. Also I was a little confused on who know who at the end. It might be a matter that I'm a bit tired so don't take it too hard my saying that. Your story is still an interesting read and the danger that your characters are in is rather clear. Report Review
"Snakes," she wheezed. "I hate snakes." - Took a page from Indiana Jones there did we? Lol.
Now we get to some plot and your story looks pretty interesting. I like it so far. I find it interesting that you have combined muggle and magical items together. I'm wondering if Hugo can comunicat via the fire why are the messing with the laptop in the first place? Any way not a bad start still. Report Review
Sorry it has taken me so long in getting to posting a review. Life got busy and then when I was free the forum was down so I couldn't find your story again but now I'm here and review so it's all good right? Any way this is a nice start. Nothing too much going on but a very nice introduction to the characters I really enjoy your use of vocabulary it was quite enjoyable to see "big words". So as to characterization very realistic as to plot not much has happened so far but that it okay seeing as this is only the first chapter and many times it serves as more of an introduction to the characters rather than a strong push on the plot front. Report Review
Lovely. You never disappoint! Though I have a short attention span, you had me gripped throughout the entire chapter. You've established realistic and interesting characters and the plot is moving along nicely. Excellent work and I can't wait for more! Report Review
Wohoo! Such a fat update that time! That's more like it!
Keep it up, Kalina! This was another wonderfully fantastic chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long to read it! I love the cliche mention. ;) Well done! :D
10/10Author's Response: Hehe! I'm glad you liked it, Drue! I will try to keep the chapters nice and rotund like this one. :) Thank you so much for the lovely review, Drue! *huggles* Report Review
Okay, finally got to reviewing this one. :D The action scenes were terrific and I love the conspiracy-esque plot you're brining in, adding more suspense to an already thrilling story. The new characters are also fascinating, very well-developed even though you don't actually say much about them; their words and actions are enough to convey what sort of person they are. The scene changes are also paced perfectly, fast, but not too fast, just the right speed for a story of this genre.
The flying carpet! That was awesome! I want to use one in my story too (it was in there, but I think it got edited out). The line It's not the time to play blooming Aladdin! made me laugh. Absolutely perfect.
I've noticed that you changed Black's name, which is somewhat unfortunate (I rather liked trying to figure out in my head how he was related to the main family), but I understand why you did it. However, in the last section of this chapter, you forgot to change his name to Blackthorn. ;)
There was something about this chapter that I hadn't noticed so much before. Whenever you referred to Hugo, you had about five different titles for him, and it was getting confusing. A little more consistency with that, using just Hugo or Weasley instead of also "the pawnbroker" or "the bibliophile", would not only prevent confusion, but it would improve the general flow. The same goes for random "big words" like ruminating. Keep away from those Victorian novels, girl! :P
Anyway, I still really enjoyed this, and hope you have another chapter in the works. :D The idea is so unique and the plot so exciting that it'll be hard to wait for the update.Author's Response: Haha, I didn't change Black's name - he goes by both Max and Black, his full name being Maxwell Blackthorn. When it's from his or Grace's POV limited, I refer to him as Black. When it's Hugo, Max. Don't really know why. XD It seems I got you confused there.
I'm glad you liked the idea of a flying carpet. XD It seemed a touch more original than a copter. And haha! The terms! I blame the Brontes. :P In any case, I'll get to editing this chapter per your recommendations. Thank you so much for this excellent, well-balanced and constructive review, Susan! *hugs* Feedback like this is perfect for me.
Thank you again! I'm glad you liked it. :)
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Oh Kalina :')
You amaze me more and more with each new chapter. Your abilities are practically unparalleled, and this fic is a work of genius. Aha, it really is. The plot, the characterisations, their all just so perfect, I truly do not understand how you do it.
Grace is suc ha strong and resilient character, cold and callous when she needs to be, but tough throughout. That's why I love her so much. Even if she was unconcious for most of the chapter, it was still brillaint. I actually enjoyed how this chapter focused alot on the other characters instead of just her, it was an interesting change.
I love Black. His sharp temperment makes him such a loveable character and ... ack! He's amazing. You really see how much he cares about Grace in this chapter, and how he would truly be willing to do anything for her, it's great to see.
I love this story so much, Kali. You amaze me x')))
xAuthor's Response: Oh, Liam! *huggles* Such praise! I don't deserve any of it, but I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed it. It's really so much fun to write, and I'm glad I'm able to share that with you.
Grace is definitely ... ahem ... tough, isn't she? I modeled her somewhat on Lara Croft and Camille Montes (Bond girl in Quantum), the second of whom was played by the lovely Ms. Kurylenko. I also enjoyed taking a break from writing Grace to develop the other characters, but never fear! She will most definitely be back in the next chapter.
Black definitely does care about Grace, but poor him! She doesn't see it! Aha, the irony. Anyways, thank you so much for this amazing review, Liam! *hugs again* It means so much.
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