lovely story :)
keep up the good work, and update soon.
i can't wait to see where seamus takes her.Author's Response:
I'll update as soon as I can. (: Report Review
Sooo I'm assuming Noelle is a witch, but what about her boyfriend- does he have magical abilities?
I really like this story so far...the last section of this chapter was so very endearing and my favorite part so far. I love that while Seamus loves Noelle- he's still effected by Lavender leaving him because he's human and he did love her. First love is always so strong...I just hope that he doesnt do something stupid like get back with her (even for just one day) on impulse and Noelle finds out. Then her life would be 100% spiraling out of control.
I adored these two lines:
(Noelle smiled and allowed him to kiss her once more before he took her home with him, to a safe place for them both. )
(“Will you always be here?” “Yes.”)- ahh made my eyes water.
Update soon :)
Yes. Noelle's a witch. (: I'm glad you're enjoying. (: Report Review
Huh...wel...I've never known anyone to be in her position, so I have no personal experience with it. But it seems like she'd be freaking out more because she's probably supposed to be at home instead of at Seamus's.
Ok.I am liking this story so far.but I just have one thing to complain about. There is nothing Harry Potter-ish about it. Its as if you are just using one of JKR's character's for an original story...I don't think there has been much talk of magic or anything- and I know we don't know terribly much about Seamus in the books- but we know enough to at least write him in a way that someone could think...yeah thats that cool Irish Gryffindor...ya know? In this story he doesnt feel like Seamus at all.
Not to say I don't like this story- I do, a lot, thats just what I noticed.
I liked that line about how her body comforts him...and its tragic and amazing at the same time that he is becoming attached to her emotionally.
The spunky Seamus we know will come. I promise. (: Just give it time. I'll fit more magic in as well. When I'm writing, I don't think too much about him flicking his wand and reciting spells. I'm too enveloped in the story. But as I said, spunky Seamus will come in. (: Report Review
Aw, I love it so far. I still feel like I know very little about the characters...but thats probably because I'm only on the second chapter...hehe.
I loved the snowglobe analogy and the confusion within Seamus. I'm not going to lie...it annoys me that they cant just both end their relationships and then this story wouldn't be so angsty. But I do love angst sometimes...and I'm not ignorant so I do know that the premise you have going is very accurate. Seamus would feel trapped and Noelle (pretty name by the way) would feel VERY trapped.
Ok...I'll read on now.
I'm glad you enjoyed. (: And if they could both just drop their relationships, what would happen to working to get what you want? Sometimes the best things in life are the ones you work your rear off for. Report Review
A Seamus story..how interesting! I'm very intrigued..and I love the title :)
Thank you. (: I came up with it while, cheesy I know, drinking some coffee one morning. (: Report Review
That's so sad although I'm glad Lavendar left Seamus. She wasn't right for him =) But poor Noelle...
Keep it up!Author's Response:
Thank you. I will. (: Report Review
i loved this chapter. Nolle's part about talking about how lucky Semus is is so amazing.I loved this.Author's Response:
Thank you very much. (: Report Review
I am now hooked on your story. :]
Now that we get to see more of Noelle, I can give you my opinion on her. She wouldn't be classified as Mary-Sue. She's original, as is the plot. This chapter gives you more insight into the main plot of the story and expresses more feeling than the first did.
It flowed smoothly, and moved at the perfect pace. You have the perfect balance of narration and dialogue. I especially liked the middle, where Seamus is explaining about his relationship. It was perfect and I'm glad you didn't put dialogue into it. Doing this, to me, is a sign of how far you have come as an author.
I especially loved the last line of this chapter. It ended it perfectly, telling you what you need to know without cramming unnecessary details into it.
Great chapter. You have a great writing style and the flow has definitly evened out. As for the originality, there was never really a question there, it's definitly not something greatly written.
I'm sorry I'm cutting this somewhat short, Oh and I'll be favouriting this, just to let you know :]
Thank you very, very much. I appreciate the reviews. Report Review
Firstly, I want to comment on the originality. You don't find many Seamus around so this is definitely unique.
As for your original character, we haven't seen much of her in this first chapter so I cannot judge what's to come, but, at the moment she wouldn't be classified as a Mary-Sue. What did bother me, slightly about your OC is that you didn't go into great description on her appearance, which helps determine the attitude, sometimes.
The flow was somewhat choppy to me. In the beginning it flowed smoothly and then after the break it seemed as if the story was moving too fast. I also think there wasn't enough description in the end of the chapter.
One part inparticular that I'd liked would have to be this: For some reason, he always loved this. It was like a daily adventure, for you never knew if you'd end up precisely where you wanted to It brought a smile to my face, much like it does his.
It was a tad short for my liking, but it's the first chapter, after all. I'm sorry if I was harsh or annoying in picking at everything I thought needed some improvement. I just think this is a great plot idea and can go far.
I really do like the idea and I can't wait to read the next chapter.This is something that I don't read as often as, say L/J fics, so this should be very interesting.
Thank you for your honesty. (: I'll be sure to take your advice on the flow. Report Review
So an abusive partner, one of the things I predicted would happen, twinned with falling for a colleague, something I also saw coming. Which isn't a bad thing at all, romances are always predictable :)
I much prefered this chapter to your last one, it explains a lot more, it isn't too rushed. Though the change in demeanour of Noelle is pretty sudden and not something I was expecting just yet. Sh eis obviously very ignorant of her situation, saying that Seamus should leave Lavendar, but saying that she can't leave her partner. It kind of adds to the intrigue of her frail and feeble character, she is someone you can symathise with, yet roll your eyes at, at the same time!
In general I found this chapter a lot more interesting, despite it being predictable, you also have a nice healthy balance of dialogue and description. I still think that Noelle could use a little character developing, then again, nearly all characters can, however much they are developed! :)
Nice job, well done.Author's Response:
Thank you very much for your advice. (: I'll be sure to take it. Report Review
To be brutally honest, there is very little to comment on, yet I promised a review and review I will!
I didn't see anything wrong with your fic spelling wise, and my limited knowledge of grammar found no faults. Your fragile OC, Noelle, I find to be rather intrigueing. What I didn't like about this chapter is how you cut it so short. When she walked into his office I was expecting a sort of brief glimpse into what was in the story, as a prologue does, however she cuts it so short she may not have turned up and Seamus, her boss, just allows that? It simply doesn't seem realistic to me, that's all.
I shall read your next chapter, perhaps that will give me more of an insight into your plot in mind.Author's Response:
Seamus isn't her boss, first off. He's someone a bit higher than her in the department that their boss has asked to train her. He didn't really have the authority to tell her not to leave. Thank you so much for the review. (: Report Review
I LOVE this story! And I LOVE Seamus. Honestly, there aren't enough stories about him in my opinion. Personally, I'm a huge Lavender/Seamus fan, but I feel like this could be a wonderful pairing. Keep writing and I'll keep reading! [:Author's Response:
Yay! Someone else who loves Seamus as much as I do! I definitely agree when you say that there aren't enough stories about him. (: Report Review
oh, noelle's a stange one.
again, it's lave-ly carrie (: love it so far! s'pecially the -
Lavender Brown didn't know what love is; only lust.
also, i loved the charcterizations - especially noelle, and how she was so timid and slightly awkward in that newbie-ish way. xD.
+favs, obviously ^_^Author's Response:
*takes a bow* Thank you, m'dear. (: Report Review
Okay well you got me interested =) I really should stop reading your stories...I like them too much hehe.Author's Response:
*drags the reader back* Don't stop! I need readers who give me feedback. (: Thanks for the review. (: I really appreciate it. Report Review
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