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Review:TheOne says:
I haven’t read the first part of this story, but since I started this one already I’m gonna finish it before I read the first one. Bear with me if I get confused over something that is explained in the first part of the trilogy.

“he slipped into a dream..... It was just a day ago” instead of the ellipse (the dot dot dot) start a new paragraph. Also double space in between quotations, it just makes everything easier to read. “troll leg umbrella stand” lol! I would be scared too. I noticed a few more punctuation errors but I won’t mention all of them otherwise we’ll both go crazy. “Only Harry caught what Ron said this.” You might want to edit that line too. I couldn’t figure out what you were trying to say.

Other than that I think you’re a decent writer. You know how to get right to the point and although it can get confusing sometimes at least it wasn’t boring reading this chapter! Take that as a compliment lol. I suppose most of my confusion comes from not reading the first story but I guess I will discover that in time. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Let me fill you in... Well in the first story all the couple broke up, Harry accidentally had relations err sexual relations with Hermione in an elevator. Potzer, F&G, all hired a group of anti feminist, machismo filled baseball players to ruin Mr.Granger's fashion show. Then, when everything had been patched up through poorly written chapters Mr.Granger knew of everything that went on in the day and ruined his daughter and her friend's lives in one fell swoop. Oh! Oh! And his assistant, Bruce, helped out. A strong burly man, who is still my favorite character. He has no appearance in this second installment, but I have just put him in a few scenes of the third one...... I believe that paragraph was better than the actual story.

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