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Review:Precious Rin says:
I have lots of things to say! First, where did ages 11 to 15 go? The transition was a bit of a shock. Secondly, the Mary-Sue in Ella still lingers a bit: boys still loved her, she had "curves in all the right places" (I swear, every time I read that I want to vomit), her eyes got bigger (since when do eye shapes change?), and her hair is shining. Andy is curvy but skinny. Usually, those two don't go together. You have to have some meat on you to be curvy. Another thing that confused me was when Ella was ushered away from Mrs. Weasley but then they were having a conversation? Actually, the whole Weasley situation confuses me. I think you could expand upon the backgrounds and family of all your OCs. Also, some of your sentences don't make much sense. You may want to have a look at your story and read it aloud to yourself to catch that. Or, even better, have a beta reader look at it. Are Seth and Ella together or not? Earlier in the chapter, he called her "love" which kind of confused me. Steer away from overused "cliches": Slytherins don't aways have to use tricks to get ahead in Quidditch games. They might just be good. The sentence "Vicky and Joe were doing an amazing job, hitting chasers every way" should be "Vicky and Joe were doing an amazing job, hitting chasers ever which way." I think you could describe Seth and Ella's kiss more, although the small description you do have it good. Overall, this is a good chapter. Your transitions are a little shaky but its good and you are a good writer. I'll save my real praise for after I read the whole story though. Oh, and, sorry about the couple typos (mistakes you make when you type) in my previous review.

Author's Response: Hehe, well, I originally planted the story in 6th and 7th years, but I felt I needed like an introduction, since most of my characters are OC's, so I decided to make like an introduction from 1st year, but obviously people get confused about this. I will think about a way to clear it out. I wil lessen her apparently perfect complexion (I think I even got an idea for this! *runs off excitedly*). In the part with Mrs. Weasly, she was ushered away from Ella, but just to get her off, they were still close enough for a conversation (sorry if that part's not very clear), I will review it and clear things up. Also, I am thinking of putting a prologue chapter with info on all characters, or at least the leads, so stuff is clear from the start. Um, in this chapter Ella and Seth aren't together, I just thought it was a sweet name for him to call her, without pointing out directly that he liked her. And yes, I know the Slytherin's dirty tricks are cliche, I'm sorry for that!

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