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Review:Bibbs says:
I loved this even more than I loved Sirius' piece! You did a perfect job exploring James’ thoughts and emotions, everything from wonder and awe while he walked behind Lily, to the anger and hurt at her response when he tried to warn her about his bag, to embarrassment. I love how he humbled himself enough to ask Lily nicely, and it actually paid off! I find the other marauders’ reactions to James plan to be more serious quite humerous. Some of the sentences are great, adding so much detail. I’m sorry, I don’t quite know how to say what I am thinking, but what I mean is… like this: Padfoot lounged on the windowsill, somehow looking comfortable in the least comfortable of places. It’s the small details like that that really make this flow together. The dialogue between the characters was excellent also. I really like the subtle humour that is hidden within your writing, like when James said he was in love, no, not with his broom… You have a great style!

Author's Response: Like I've told other people, the James piece wrote itself. He like took over my sub-concious mind. The joke about the broom had me giggling the whole way through writing, which I guess only ended up creating more humour in the rest. =P I've tried with this to change the tone of the story - going from Sirius' feeling of loss to James' determination to get Lily to like him - and I'm glad that it worked out alright. I was afraid that the two chapters would sound as though they were being told by the same character. It's also great to hear that the dialogue worked out well - that was always a weak point in my writing.

Thanks very much for the great review. I really appreciate your comments. ^_^


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