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Review:plzkthx101 says:
First chapter was great, I'll do a more complete review at the end. My only suggestion is to remove the line about Lily's favorite shampoo (strawberry-scented). No offense meant, but I find such descriptions to be common in more juvenile pieces and I believe your writing to be a high caliber. As such, I would simply delete the phrase and forget it was ever there. Besides, strawberry is a lovely scent but on paper it has a very childish, preteen connotation.

Author's Response: Mmm, you make a valid point. Thanks! :D I'll go have a look.

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