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Review:Hiduras says:
Hallo Step! Ok, here it goes... gramma wise, your story seems flawless to me, very good, it helps me focuse more on the plot!... I like your take on Draco's misery, but I feel like something is missing; let me give you an example: "I could feel tears warming my pale cheeks" I would tell more about his feeling and not so much about the fact that he has tears running down his cheeks... like this maybe: "A lump formed in my throat, desperatly trying to hold back the tears I only sobbed more when they finally came. I couldn't hold it in, not when I was alone, not when my only witness was me. I couldn't hide from me. The tears were warming my cheeks. This..." One thing I also noticed was that you use "I" a lot in the beginning of your sentences, I know it is easy to do so, but try and refraise some og them.... example: instead of "I dried away my tears, amd..." It could say: "Drying away my tears, I..." ------------------------ Another thing; I really like your portrail of Narcissa, she complains about him hurting her, but seems to regret it when she sees how Lucius acts... For me that is very believable... she is a bit hysterical and I could see her get wotked up over some little thing, but then want to take it back or even help Draco... if she wasn't so scared of Lucius... And speaking of Lucius... he seemed a bit OOC when he spoke... your descriptions of him were very good, but in my head he is a bit more subtle when speaking... maybe not using words like "<<tag not allowed="red">tag not allowed="red">censored" "damn" and "stupid".... Keep in mind that this is just a personal view of him... well that is often what a review is... right? Welll I hope you can use some of this! And just to be clear; all in all I really liked your story!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Wow, it's long. I'll try to fix the things you pointed out, thanks for the cc!

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