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Review:Lucid says:
Its an interesting start to a piece but I can't help but feel you could have taken it further, given it some more detail and information like: Why is Lily so in love with him, was it a sudden thing? I think also the reader is left hanging, What was Severus' response? A follow up one-shot or an added chapter might balance it out more. I like the way you write, its very fluid, not many people can pull that off so its definitely something you could work on and strengthen even more. Grammar isn't bad, but you might want to look at your comma placement a little more, or find a helpful beta to aid you. If you have any questions regarding my comments please feel free to email me at lucidshard@hotmail.com ~ Lucid

Author's Response: I may add more to it later, but it'll stay like this for now. This was a bit experimental for me, and I want to see what kind of response I get. Thank you, and I'll try better at grammar. I have a beta for my other fic, and maybe after a while I'll get better. Thanks for reviewing.

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