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Review:birdsong says:
Your story has promise. I suggest removing the f-word. The flow was a little hard to follow, such as "Melissa pulled her face from the bowl" - when did she use it? Are you referring to a pensive? You could beef up the story by expanding on the part where people thought she was a murderer. Please don't think I'm flaming you. You did write a story! You're far ahead of me!

Author's Response: No no. It's alright. I only dropped the F-bomb in there because she's 16 and stressed so I figured she needed to add some cursing to make her feel better. Get her frustrations out, y'know!! Yea I was referring to the pensive. It's like a reliving the memory thing, get it? Yea, I guess I should go in there and mess a around a little. But your advice was good, don't think people will automatically get made from making suggestions. Your my third, "Why don't you fix this" review. I'll live, I SWEAR!!! lol --Mel

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