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Review:Gandelf The White says:
Hmm...welll...erm...it was an OK chapter at best if i'm to be completely honest. I dunno, this just doesn't seem my sort of fic. Please don't take offence to the following critisisms, hopefully you can use them to improve. Firstly --- Voldemort. He seems far too humane to be convincing enough. I really can't see him showing such blatant favouritism to any of his followers so i found his compliments to Lucius very OOC. Also, his dialogue just doesn't seem to fit at all. There are way too many common words in his vocabulary that i doubt you would find him using much in cannon. The way he expresses himself just doesn't seem to match the terrifying aura that everyone has grown to assosciate with him. --- Secondly --- Harry. He seems to have adopted the hot temper he had during OotP when it has clearly been shown that he has, in fact, matured greatly since then. Thus, his character seems to have taken a huge step backwards and consequently, he too seems OOC. ---- What i'm basically trying to say is that the characters all seem to be fairly out of character. Some moreso than others. But i found Harry and Voldemort just totally unconvincing in this chapter. ---- I also noticed a lot of incidences which have been obviously dragged up from the other books. Such as Harry throwing different words at the gargoyle in an attempt to get it to open. We've all seen that already, so in a way it doesn't add much to the story and in fact makes it seem boring as we are simply being forced to re-read old material. I think you really need to attempt to branch out a little in order to make this story slighlty more original (or at least as original as fanfiction can get) and not follow the format of the books from the series so so rigidly. I also think you would do well to re-read one or two novels from the series so you can acheive a more rounded, up-to-date view of the characters. I apologize if this review upset you in any way. Though one unsatisfied reviewer out of 110 isn't bad now is it? What do i know anyway? This story may prove to be a massive hit on this site. It's doing quite well already in fact.

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