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Review:Potteress says:
I really don't think you should write as though you're telling someone what happened to them. Refer to Melissa in first or third person because it's weird when the reader is reading about how she felt and what she know? And your format...I don't mean to sound all bossy and stuff but I know you'll get more readers this way. You're supposed to have a new paragraph each time a new person speaks. And it's a lot nicer to read when there's a space between each paragraph. I'm sure you've seen it like that in other fics. I hope you don't mind this advice. It would be really good if you spaced it out a bit. That's all. Keep it up!!

Author's Response: Thanks for the advice...It'll probably help me out a lot...I'll have to go back and edit it. It think I'm going to leave only this chapter up, and make it like a short story, because since only this chapter is rated R, it won't let me have my other chapters. Then, if people have questions, the rest of the story is on Quizilla under xomarchbabi18xo...Thanks again!!

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