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Review:DougA says:
The flow was a little better in this chapter, but it still came off with a rushed feel. Who won the Quidditch ? How did Hermione do, given that she is on record for not liking flying ? These may seem like minor details, but they would flesh out your story and, in my opinion, improve it's pace and flow.

I understand that thus is your first fanfic, and it's not bad, but I think it could be improved. Quotations are still not set off, and that still is distracting. I realize that you were 9 chapters into this before I started reading and reviewing, but I'm trying to help if you decide to continue the story, or edit and repost what you have already done.

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