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Review:DougA says:
I like Ginny's idea. Your story is decent, but you need to work on the flow. Tell us the story through the characters instead of of little summarized snippets. In some ways, your chapters feel like trailers for a movie. A little scene here, and another one their, but watch the movie to get the whole story. Your chapters don't have to stick close to 500 words. Tell us the story in as many words as each chapter takes to tell it smoothly.

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