AH ugh the tension you created in this chapter was just so perfect. I could feel disaster coming from the very first line - nothing good could come from Jenny and Flora being extremely drunk and friendly. I feel so bad for her: James cheated on her, ignores her in favour of Jenny, is a generally s*itty person... and when she said " 'I would never … No", ugh :( It's a shame that she's getting caught up in the story of James and Jenelle, and she's not even fully involved, just stuck on the periphery. I'm glad Jenny actually stood up for her, even while she was blaming James for the situation at the same time... another example of the reality you bring to these characters; they're not plainly written teenagers with a black and white sense of morality.
I only saw this coming because of TWY but nevertheless it was still exciting to read. The whole last scene was sooo frustrating because even while they're finally being forthcoming they're still communicating terribly. "'You're a f*cking moron,' I hissed back." So funny, so typical of Jenny to do - seeing a chance to insult James even if it isn't the wittiest. The whole argument in general was well written. I feel like if I was reading this for the first time, without any prior knowledge of TWY, it'd be as if I was there as a fly on the wall, watching it unfold in real time, on the edge of my proverbial seat (which I still kind of was anyway), shocked at what you were revealing.
Dom is irritating me - she's so invasive and problematic. I love her as a character and I know she isn't a bad person really, but I don't think I could deal with being friends with her. You can sense that she knows she's messed up and is scrambling to do something about it, I'm unsure if this something is to fix the situation or to cover her own skin so James and Jenny don't hate her.
If I was going to say anything not entirely positive, it would be that this chapter is maybe a little too full? There's a lot going on here, what with Flora and Jenny's first proper interaction, the fallout of Jenny and Oliver, Jenny kissing Luke, Jenny shouting at Dom, Jamelle argument number one, Jenny telling Flora about James, Jamelle argument number two. I suppose that this is reminiscent of how a night drinking as a teenager would go - so much stuff happens and there's not much time to deal with it. But still, it felt a tiny tiny bit rushed. Omg pls don't hate me.
Another suggestion; have you ever listened to Julia Michaels? Her new stuff is good for inspiration - for me anyway - and I thought about her song 'Worst in Me' while reading this.
Anyway, v good exhilarating and dramatic chapter, I can't wait to see what happens next, especially because I feel like this is nearly all new material! xoxo
Author's Response: Urgh yeah Flora so does not deserve any of what's happening to her. James and Jenelle are so volatile with each other when they're not together, all they do is cause destruction to so many people. I feel terrible for Flora too!! But she's going to prove to be resilient and a lot stronger than any of them realise. I mean I think it's still crazy that they still manage to be realistic in such heightened and crazy situations LOL but it's what I'm trying to achieve so THANK YOU!!
Hahaha yes, that question was more for non-TWY readers but I'm so happy it was still tense and exciting! And omg YES, that's exactly what I wanted it to come across as--a frustrating clash that feels like it's going nowhere. Like they're both FINALLY talking to each other but they just cannot get past the points they want to make so it's like they might as well not be communicating at all.
Dom is someone I just constantly feel bad about writing. Like (and I hope this doesn't give stuff away, though I'm not sure how it would lol) it's almost how I imagine Rowling would feel, in a way, writing Peter Pettigrew as he turned traitor. You just feel bad about making someone you want to be good be the person they honestly are. Dom IS loveable and does have redeeming qualities, but if what James says she's done is true -- and Jenny can't think of why James would lie about that even if she has no idea why Dom WOULD do something like that -- then she's set herself on a path that's going to be hard to come back from.
OMG, please don't think I'd ever hate you?!! One of the purposes of reviews is to receive constructive criticism so i genuinely LOVE to read this. And the thing is I agree with you completely! This chapter is absolutely CHOCKED with significant things that are almost written in a very insignificant way. Kind of tossed in there with the expectation that we'd have more time to mull on things but I can say the rush WAS intentional and somewhat needed. All of this was intended to finally PUSH Jenny into action and stop sulking about. I mean I wish I could've written this in the course of several chapters but the story needs to plunge on. And while we do finally slow the pace down again, it's still going to rush forward lol.
Okay ... I just listened to that song and I'm freaking CONVINCED I wrote it about Jamelle and gave it to her to sing lmao. It's impossible and not true but I'm ... shook. It's been added to my playlist, done and DONE. Loved it. I EFFING love song suggestions. idk why but when people say this fic/the characters remind them of a song I lose my mind LOL.
Truly!!! The next few chapters are COMPLETELY new and while they have a few familiar bits, I can confirm like 98% of it is new stuff.
LOVED THIS REVIEW AS ALWAYS. And as always my responses are too much and I'll be shocked if u manage to get through this wall of text lol. But I just love your reviews!! Thank you!!! Can't wait for you read the next chapter. P xx