Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:nott theodore says:
Abbi! Hello! I thought it was about time you also got some love for all your hard work in the CTF game (and also just because I like reading my friends' stories).

Anyway, I really enjoyed this first chapter! I already really like Lettie, and I was sympathising with her from the very start of the chapter, because really, who needs that much embarrassment when it's the start of the school term? Especially since it turns out that the embarrassment wasn't her fault, but Louis was actually causing her to be embarrassing (more on that later).

One thing I really liked was the way that you introduced the little details about her, like her love of pink coconut ice - not just mentioning it, but her friends giving it to her to cheer her up. I think that was a great way of showing the depth of the friendship between these three girls, too, since they clearly know each other very well. I liked the dialogue between them, too. It made me laugh that they didn't really try to comfort Lettie too much, or lie to her about how embarrassing she'd been. I think it really shows how close they are when friends do that.

(Also, as a side note, I would like to second Lettie's comment about nobody ever remembering all the good things that you do. Everyone just remembers the silly and embarrassing things. I feel her pain.)

There were a couple of things I noticed here that just took away a little bit from how smoothly the rest of the chapter read, like some run-on sentences. They're only tiny things which are easy to fix, though. If you want a hand looking over it or anything, feel free to ask :)

I thought it was really good of Dom to tell Lettie that Louis had been using his powers on her, which is why Lettie's been doing so many embarrassing things around Louis. Her reasoning behind telling her, and not using the powers herself, are really believable, and I'm glad she said something. I also like how defensive and protective of Lettie her friends became when they heard, because it really isn't okay.

I'm not sure if this is going to become a Louis/OC story in the future, but I'd definitely be interested in seeing what his explanation for using his powers on Lettie is, especially since he can control them... there's going to be a lot of explaining for him to do - if he can get anywhere near Lettie without Cash hitting him again, that is :P

I really enjoyed this first chapter, and I'll try and get back soon to read more chapters of this!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian!

I lovelovelove this review. you're such a sweetheart!

I'm glad you liked the interaction between the girls as I really want their friendship to be part of the story as well as a romantic aspect of it which will obviously feature. I look forward to your reviews in the future and to see how you like the character development etc..

I'll tweet you about a bit of extra help with grammar issues! you're the best! xo


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 204
Submit Report: