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Review:LunaStellaCat says:
Hey. The idea behind this story is a good one. I'd thought I'd leave you some CC so you can consider a rewrite or, at the very least, an edit.

Ginny's characterization is good. It is Thankfully, she's not just Molly Weasley reincarnated or something. You might want to employ some of of her mannerisms, though. The idea behind the story is a good one. If you're going to take a realistic snapshot of life, make sure it is indeed that. Realistic. I write quite a few pieces of fanfiction with small children. I am not a mother, so I am deathly careful.

Okay, here's a few things. One. Hermione. Her entrance sedms rather abrupt and needs more explanation and narration to set tne scene. It sounds like you drafted her as the epitome of knowledge handmade for a plot to weave itself. While Hermione is smart, she is not wizened. She's NOT Dumbledore. I am sure Hermione was learning as a parent herself here, and it's a learning process. It is.

I told you earlier I am not a mother. I am a godmother to two small children. It is a learning process. It is. You fail, you mess up, you might fix it, you do it again. Also, and this comes from a writing professor. You may have children. I don't know, yet this sounds off. Write what you know. Draw from hour experiences, don't copy them, but people want to read a slice of everyday life with a bit of magic built in. I made this mistake once.

Okay, here's why I say what I said. I have cerebral palsy. The reason my father found this out - and he thought he was wrong - is because I was age two and not walking. I am a triplet - my other two sisters were walking snd going about. He didn't know, yet he knew something was off. It terrified him. The fact that Ginny seems angry is all right for a minute. After that, she seems a touch . I don't know.

I'm not saying you're wrong. Please don't misunderstand me. The place where you are wrong in Broca's area, the language center. I studied linguistics and probably didn't want me to read this thing:) A young child does not simply say one word - that's normal - so good job there - and then simply start spouting complete sentences or fragments of sentences eith correct, flawless grammar. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Like I say, there is grammatical stuff I don't care about. The story behind this is a good one. Little James seems cute. I hope you take this as CC and respond to the review. I rewrite my stuff ALL the time. I do. Ask my betas. I do.


Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the review; it was much more than what I was expecting.

About Hermione, I tried to portray her as a friend to Ginny. I'd always felt that Ginny, to a point, labeled her as 'the smart one.' This skewed her views of her. But you are right on the front that Hermione isn't the equivalent of Dumbledore nor will she ever be, as she is her own person.

As for the magic, you are also right. Magic, unfortunately, is not the world we live in and I took that to heart a bit. I forgot that, of course, magic is naturally a part of their world and that it will weave into their everyday life.

I do draw from my experiences, as I have taken care of babies before. I've had plenty of time to observe their behavior and how they speak and how they learn as well as what they like.

I hope this was a satisfactory answer for you, as I had a bit of trouble understanding what you said. I hope that's not a problem.

Thank you again for the review!

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