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Review:celticbard says:
Hello SilverMoonFairy,
This was a great beginning to what promises to be a very cool story! First off, let me just say that your characterization was spot on. Very good, indeed. Voldemort in particular, I think, exhibited that same cool, detached evil that made him so chilling in the books. The Malfoys were also very well-written—Lucius wavering, as usual, Draco eager to prove himself. I very much liked the little look Draco exchanged with his father, the look of disgust. I think it speaks volumes as to how dedicated Draco is to the “cause” in this fic. The fact that he would so openly express his dislike for his father's behavior really shows (and of course, showing is much better than telling!) how different Lucius is from his son and how this war, like all wars, has splintered their family in a dangerous way. Also, I wanted to mention Voldemort's dialogue. It was very crisp, expressive and well-written. Voldemort strikes me as a character who wouldn't want to waste words and he certainly doesn't in this opening chapter. He says only what is necessary, and reserves his true thoughts for Nagini alone. :)

If I absolutely had to criticize anything in this chapter (and I'm just nitpicking here), it would be your opening sentence. It read a little bit rough, repeating the word “dark” twice, while also including the word “black”. I think it probably could be strengthened to better catch the reader's attention and create mood without using the “dark” twice.

Again, I'm really glad I was able to read this opening chapter and I look forward to reading more. Great job!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Kahlessi, you honor me with your review! *bows*

I thank you for your kind words. I was actually very excited for the responses I've been getting for this prologue and I'm glad you enjoyed it! The opening line was difficult, as it always is. I still haven't found a way to reword it, but when I do, I'll see if you like it better.

Thank you very much!
-Liz


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