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Review:Anonymous Muggle says:
Hi,

Well paced, awesome first sentence, lots of well defined, likeable characters. Technically excellent.

Very natural dialogue. I loved your appropriate use of expletives.

The early dialogue could use extra pronouns, maybe. Every "quote" needs a 'Name said' behind it, even if it seems repetitive to you. It will help hammer names in to my dull brain. Just a thought.


Keep writing! What happens next?!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for the kind words!! :) Hahaha, I'm glad you enjoyed my use of curse words; it's my favorite past-time XD

Hmm, I'm definitely taking a note of making the dialogue more clear! I guess it's just my style of writing; I like to have it all out there like that because it makes the readers figure out what's going on and/or shape the scene how they like it. But yeah, I agree that maybe for the first few chapters I should make it a little clearer so no one gets confused!

Thanks again SO much for your review!! I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. Stay tuned for some more fun! :) Have a fantastic day!


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