Wow, I love this new piece so much. I can't decide if my favorite thing is the refreshing tone or the intriguing characters. You do character development so beautifully and I can't wait to see where you take our friends. So far, my favorite is Fang, and I'm dying to know more about her. Why is she really at Flamel University? She's been waiting for sixteen months for a letter... I'm inclined to think there was some sort of incident at work. Maybe that is why she is so defensive? I hate (love) the suspense.
And Asha? I just want to give her a big hug and tell her what she's worth. I find it quite amusing that she's the one pegged as the elitist when the others' high horses are so prevalent. ("“They probably look at toast and wonder why and how bread became crunchy.”" Yeah David, really? Though, to be fair, I have a feeling he's dealing with his own insecurities. Not that he would tell us.)
The interactions between your characters are priceless, and your commentary just makes it all the better. "It was the beginning of a very beautiful friendship full of trust" sounds so sarcastic, but I know Fang and David are going to end up having just that. And mocking pretensions with such a patronizing voice! (Chances are, that last sentence makes no sense, but I hope you are getting my message.)
Minor typos (ch. 1):
- When Butler is about to enter: "This elderly fellow was obviously a wizard, our conglomerate |new| this, for he was dressed absurdly,"
- When Fatima introduces herself: "“with a minor in |‘Muggle| Studies.”"
- When Pepé introduces himself: "“I’m |Pépe| Obi”"
Okie dokie it's prediction time:
- David had a friend at this university and something happened to them. He's trying to notice others as a result. Or maybe he just wants to subvert the system.
- Asha never went to a muggle uni because she's hardly been exposed to life outside the wizarding world. I'm estimating three elder siblings (definite overachievers), and Asha feels like she's a let down. So, she does her best to assimilate into the magical world, because she's not familiar with the muggle one. She's been taught to blend in and that's what she's doing; that doesn't mean conforming comes naturally to her.
- Janus is not actually a squib. Or, everyone thought he wasn't until he didn't get his letter. He's still adjusting.
- Or, more likely, Janus is perfectly fine and and happy and secure. He just doesn't like sharing much.
- And is that future Fang/David I see?? Hmm???
I adore the story header and chapter images. Does this mean that you're planning on having eight chapters? I would certainly not be opposed to more :))
Thank you for writing this beautiful work. I assure you that I will be waiting excitedly for the coming chapters.
Author's Response: Hey there!!
Bah! I'm blushing. Thank you so much!! I really, really appreciate it!
I am thrilled that you enjoy the tone and 'refreshing' was certainly the goal and I'm so happy that you are intrigued by the characters--they're so precious to me--and this story is definitely one that is driven by character dynamics. Ooh I am rubbing my hands together evilly--I mean gleefully--at your thoughts regarding Fang and her motives.
Well, yes, hypocrisy is prevalent within humanity. ;) David has his own thing going on, yeah, well I guess they all do. . . I guess that shows his. . . ignorance?? Who knows?
Who doesn't love a very involved and judgemental narrator, though, right? I totally understand what you're trying to say; as a narrator, I frequently engage in mockery, pretentiousness, and patronisation. You have me pegged.
Ah, thank you so much for spotting those blasted typos--you're wonderful.
Reaction to prediction time:
- Fascinating. . .
- OK. . .
- Well. . .
- Hmm. . .
- What me? Succumb to a classic bad-first-impression-turns-passionate-relationship trope? Pfft. . .
Definitely more than eight--if I run out of cartoons of the conglomerate. . . well, there are other characters.
THANK YOU, YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING--I will post the next chapter right now!