SO this is a start.
Hi there, I'm here for some BvB action and to pay you back for a lovely review.
Telling a story from the point of view of Voldemort is a reasonably tricky thing. One does not want to find oneself in the mind of one of the most evil wizards of all time. As well, he might be a hard character to portray, but you have seemed to do all right with the challenge. It is probably all for the better that you have employed third person for your narrative.
With only a small modicum of exposition you set the scene and the time that this must occur. Poor Lucius, as Dumbledore said, he was happy enough in Azkaban away from the displeasure of his dark master for failing to get the prophecy.
Voldemort crucios him straight out, wow. I was initially surprised at this, until I remembered that when he returned at the graveyard, he crucioed one of his followers then. So it is right in keeping with the character that JKR established for him.
I'm glad you are giving a bit of a spine to Lucius; in making him not cry out under the torture. Though I personally don't like the man, you are giving him some necessary character. It is well done, as too the grudging respect that you show that Voldemort has for him doing so.
Lucius has kept failing him hasn't he, and Voldemort hasn't, at this point in the story, found out about what happened to his diary-horcrux yet. Oh boy, what will happen then, if this has been Ludius' treatment for something relatively minor.
But you give us a tantalising hint of what is to come in the story. Just whom was it that was seen at the bridge? (nice pull, by the way, of a cannon event into your story). From the events that we know from JKR's books, there is no one that we know of who was at that bridge, so it must either be a cannon character who was there for reasons that lay beyond what we know, or it must be some character of your own devising. We shall just have to wait for the events of the story to unfold and why Voldemort was so concerned about this mystery person.
And Draco. I find him an interesting character. I hated him of course all throughout the books, what wasn't there to hate: arrogant, bigoted, nasty and arrogant. ;)
But then at the end of this adventure, that you are charting the beginning of here, he doesn't kill an old man - not because he couldn't, but because he wouldn't. All the difference in the world. It is the start of his redemption and the start for us all to think of him differently from just being a nasty, schoolboy villain.
You capture his character well for this stage of the story line. His father has impressed upon him, by example and word, how great it is to be a pureblood and hence how great Lucius is himself. When his son sees his father humiliated in his actions before Voldemort, I think that you have nailed the reactions that Draco would have. His sheer disbelief at the weakness his father shows - something that Draco has never experienced before.
Then you show some of his clever Slytheriness, in the way he couches his answer to Voldemort.
Draco was always impulsive: quick to anger, quick to react, and quick to judge. So when Voldemort goads him, Draco falls into the trap which was oh so easy for Voldemort to set. He jumps up and almost demands to be given a chance. For what exact reason, you deliberately leave vague - for his father, for his family name, or to prove himself. It's good that you do because it is probably a mixed up combination of all three and also that it's probably not that clear to Draco himself either.
Volunteer he does, but for what, he doesn't know as yet. Though he wasn't expecting to get a Dark Mark, that was a bit of a shock. He might be more proud of it, as he was later, except that it hurt him so much. Again the way you show his reactions here is well done. Having him regain his place, but not kneeling, shows a lot of things, but especially the beginning of the end for poor Lucius.
We are privy to the inner thoughts of Voldemort, and so we understand that he had always thought that Draco would probably not succeed in his mission and therefore die. Dumbledore expected this of the motivations of Voldemort, but here you express it explicitly.
The ending is a bit strange until one realises: what would Voldemort gain if this family of apparently loyal supporters dies? Why the Mansion of course and everything they owned. And not just that, but final revenge upon someone who has failed him one too many times (one failure is too many for Voldemort).
Now in my mental cannon, this scene has not had a place. I didn't really think that Draco would have been there as his father was being punished by Voldemort, but you have presented us with this scene so well, that I just might have to rethink things. Well done.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the amazing review!
Just the prologue is from Voldemort's POV. It's to set up major plot points (yay, foreshadowing!) later on. However, all these BvB reviews have me thinking that maybe I *should* try my hand at a Voldemort story! I was honestly terrified of writing it!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much and that everything I was trying to put in there came through clearly! I was really very nervous about that!
Thank you again for such a wonderful review!