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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hi there! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle!

Wow, this is a really intense prologue, and I really love the title of the story! It definitely makes me think that Bad Things will be happening soon!

You did a really wonderful job of building the suspense and tension in the scene. Even though the story was mostly focused on Voldemort's thoughts and feelings, you managed to convey everything that Lucius and Narcissa were thinking as well, and that's really important for adding color to the story. Clearly, they were confused and afraid, but very unwilling to admit it.

Ooh, ouch. It makes sense that Voldemort, an evil Major Bad Guy, would use the Cruciatus Curse on Lucius, but it doesn't make it any easier to read about! Voldemort is incredibly true to canon here, which is so hard to write, and I admire your ability to write it. He's cruel, he's sadistic, and he's going to get revenge on Lucius by going after his precious lil' baby Draco.

One comment that I do have about the story flow is that the wording of the first sentence is a little bit inverted. I think it would make more sense if it was worded like this: "A tall dark figure dressed in black robes paced slowly in front of a roaring fire in a dark room." That just rewords the sentence so that the "tall dark figure" is the subject and the action is clear. But that's definitely just a suggestion! :)

Ooh, because you started the story with Draco getting the Dark Mark, I wonder where it's going to go next. And I wonder who Wilkes saw at the Bridge--was it Harry, by chance? It's all very suspenseful, and I hope that I can get a chance to come back and read more soon!

Cheers!
~Mallory

Author's Response: That is a much better opening line, I'm editing now! Thank you so much!

Wow, I feel like I should write a Voldemort-centric story now. I was so nervous about this prologue.

I hope that if you do continue to read, you don't get too disappointed. The prologue was to set up a very important plot point later on for my OC, specifically who was seen at the bridge! But everything will be used eventually as other one-shots and stories get written!

Thanks for my review!!


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