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Review:NPE says:
Hi :)

Let me preface my review with an apology. I wrote this about a week back but for some absurd reason forgot to send it. My review has just laid dormant on a word file with several others I forgot to send.

So apologies for the delay in the review swap, I know I should have sent you this a fortnight ago, but I completely forgot. Sorry.

Anyway here is what I wrote - best,

Nick.

"Hey Lo,

Cheers for agreeing to the swap.

So the premise of this story is great. I enjoy how it is a mixture of like an old school hangout movie, teen drama, and yet also with a cool premise about quidditch

The dialogue feels pretty organic, the descriptive terms feel very specific to the singular identity that narrates the story, she already has a sense of character to her which is really impressive.

I am enjoying the characters that she interacts with, I am genuinely curious to see where it all leads.

I think you get the balance between tension and cliche perfect too. Like the fact there is only one slot left as chaser could feel too narratively convenient, but in this case it makes her desire to succeed considerably more palpable.

I agree with one of the reviewers who said that the background to some of the friendships she has aren't clear, but I don't know if that is intentional or not.

I also think that occasionally you could have description where you just direct us to visualise something.

Example:

"Heather finished, her tone so much different than her usual bubbly personality"

What is this tone? What does it sound like? Do the changes affect other parts of personality, are there other physical tells?

I really like the story, and how you have structured it.

I love how it feels like a flow of memories and the narrative is masterfully done here.

Best,

Nick"

^ So yeah that was my review, apologies you have had it so late.

Hope it doesn't put you off swapping with me again sometime x

Nick

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