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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
I love the amount of thought you put into the differences of perception between Remus and James. Remus' heightened senses seem like a natural thing to choose to mention, and it's really interesting to see James grapple with it. The part about his dreams was also fascinating. It feels like you've thought of it all, down to every moment of Remus' existence!

I'd be really curious for more of a description of the hovel Remus and now James lives in. Of course from James' horror, I can tell how derelict it is, but I still had some trouble fully visualizing it. Is it a literal shack, with walls and roof and door? Is it some kind of tent? A mattress under an overhang? I suppose all we know of it know is abstract concepts-- how horrible, unlivable, etc. it is-- but I'd something like a little more concrete, if that makes sense. It doesn't need to be a lot, because obviously it's just one moment in the chapter, but you can never go wrong with specific details.

One other question-- early in the chapter, you mention that it's odd for Remus to have a place of his own and that the other werewolves roam freely. Yet later James goes to a place that is clearly Rhea's home. Would you be able to clarify a little what you meant by Remus' "different" habits? What does it mean to have a home base versus to roam around?

I love that you jumped right into a tense situation in this chapter and put James on the spot. It's so awful to see him grappling with this request, all the more awful because he has to act on Remus' behalf! It's such a tough situation, and I really felt for James. You've done an excellent job at moving the story along at a gripping pace.

Again, I really appreciate the dialogue. Every character has a least a slightly distinct manner of speaking, and it betrays their different backgrounds, goals, etc. That attention to detail is definitely something that can pull a story up to the next level.

On the whole, another great chapter! Congrats again on winning the first round of "Guess the Present"! I've enjoyed this story and I will try to return to it, but don't worry if it takes seemingly forever; life gets busy over here and unfortunately reading and reviewing tends to be what gets left behind when things pick up. But you've definitely created an engaging start! Good luck with this story!

- Sarah

Author's Response: Sarah,

I am forever behind on review responses. I am really glad you like how I compared the lives of the two men. The details of Remus' existence is like burned in my brain so to speak having written him for so long. He is a true passion and obsession for me.

You are right that I need to bring my inclusion of descriptions and details to the next level. It is my greatest weakness. I am not an overly visual person and thus my writing reflects that. Still thank you for the critique it is something I hope to take and use moving forward.

Thank you again for the review even if it was for "Guess the Present".


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