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Review:Gail Welin says:
Hi Marshal!

I love that you mention that James is suffering from enhanced senses and has a super-sensitive nose (I feel stupid for mentioning that in my review for the previous chapter ^^' it's much better that you mention it in the second chapter!).

The nightmares James is having are terrible, I pity him so much. Are those manifestations of the beast or worries James' subconscious is working on?

Oh wow, what a tricky situation. Rhea oozes trouble on so many levels, it's terrifying. She'll test James' loyalty to himself and to Lily without even knowing it, as she sees Remus. And I wonder, would the real Remus, who has so much less to lose in retrospect, choose to bite someone so as to maintain his cover and not fail the Order?
And if James follows through, who will his victim be?!

James is now playing the role of the traitor he thought Remus was. This is just riveting. I love it!

I have a little bit of CC concerning the descriptions in this chapter; you could definitely describe the way Rhea's dwelling looks like from the outside as well as the inside. And Remus' hovel, what does he sleep on? It could be the floor or a dirty sheet or even a piece of cardboard. James is already surprised by the new environment, it's probably quite a shock to have to go from living in a house with his wife and son to being a werewolf living in terrible conditions, surrounded by other werewolves each worse than the other :/

This chapter has a much quicker pace. I'm very much intrigued by the plot progression. I love that you changed the POV from Remus to James for this chapter. I really want to read on!

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee!

I meant to respond to this review sooner but time just got away from me! Sorry for the wait! (and here you've left me more lovely reviews which I love and shall get to hopefully soon!)

For James' dreams it is honestly a little bit of both. His subconscious is working on those worries and the beast is magnifying them and making it worse.

As for the ultimatum to bite someone... I've had the situation and the answer to it in my head for years. I don't know if I'll get to answering that question in this story or not. I do know that in my head that this ultimatum is always presented to Remus weather it be James or Remus or any other person in Remus shoes acting as Remus. As for the willingness to bite someone both men are vehemently opposed to it but I promise I have a solution and it will get written one way or another, if not here then in a Remus fic that plays in my head or a one shot if all else fails.

As for your CC I don't know if I'll go back and try to include descriptions but I have taken what you have said to heart. I am trying to keep in mind that I need to visually describe things. I've talked with other writers and it was concluded that I probably skip a lot of describing opportunities because I don't often get visual pictures when reading or writing. But in future endeavors particularly my original fiction I'm going to see about getting more descriptive on the visual, and find the balance between painting a picture and keeping the emotions right where I want them!

Thanks again for such a lovely review!


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