Hey Lizzie, I'm here for the GCR review swap. I am so so sorry it has taken me so long to do this! Time has just gotten away from me this month and I have been so busy, especially in the past week. Anyway, to the review!
This is good! It's a really sweet story, I appreciate how you've given an insight into Harry and Teddy's relationship, which is so nice to see because I love those two so much. I think you wrote that really well, their dialogue and actions towards each other were very believable and what I also imagine their relationship would be myself.
I thought your characterisation was also really good. In under 2000 words (and correct me if I'm wrong) you've shown me a boy who blames himself for everything that goes wrong and probably nothing that goes right who loves his family and misses his parents deeply and you've communicated that very well.
I also liked the mystery you had at the start of the story, surrounding who this girl was and what had happened to her. I suspected it was Victoire, but it still really kept me intrigued to keep reading and find out what had actually happened. You didn't really leave an opportunity for the reader to lose interest, which is really good.
Just a couple of grammatical errors:
"What did matter was that it was his fault?" You need to lose the question mark in this sentence, as the sentence isn't worded like a question. Or if you would like to keep it a question, you can maybe to change it something like, "What did it matter if it was his fault?"
"He'd always considered them family until today. Now he was quite sure that they'd want nothing to do with them." Them should be him, I'm pretty sure.
Just a couple of small things, nothing too major really.
Another thing I would say is the jump between the hospital and his bedroom is a bit sudden. It reads a little randomly, so maybe a couple more joining sentences could work, just to link the two scenes better a little more. Of course, you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to. It would be fine as is, those were just my thoughts on it.
Besides those few tiny tiny things that barely even matter, this was good. It was totally believable, very well written and kept me reading right through to the end. Really good job, I liked it a lot!
Author's Response: Awe! Thank you!! You're so sweet!
I've debated back and forth on how I wanted to portray Harry and Teddy's relationship for a long time - I wasn't sure if I wanted him to be more like a father figure or something different, and I sort of settled in between... if that makes any sense. :P
Yes, it is Victoire, and as for what happened to her, well, that info will come up in a short story I'm planning on writing for her and Teddy at some point in time. We'll see how it goes.
Thanks for pointing those grammatical errors out! I went and fixed them really quickly, so they should be fine now. :D
As for the transition - you're probably right, but I'll have to come back and do an edit at a later date. :D
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! You're fantastic!