|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
Hello! Penny here for our review swap (and also because I want to be. I've been meaning to pop back over here),
Me again :) So, I was going to go read more of Kings & Queens , but then I saw that you had a Tedromeda and, girl, that is my OTP! So it was immediately clear that I had to come check it out!
So, the thing I'm most excited about--after the fact that this is Tedromeda!--is that it runs alongside Kings & Queens. Like, it seems like it'll be on the same timeline? I LOVED that! It was just a fun little thing, to see the first scene of your other fic through Andromeda's eyes. And it makes me even more eager to read them both in conjunction. (If there is gonna be more. There's gonna be more, right? I know it's a one-shot, but I'm really hoping there's along this line, because you did mention a series *gives puppy eyes, politely requesting more Ted/Andromeda and general Black sister interaction*).
I definitely already feel bad for Andromeda. It's sad to think that she's always felt like she and her sisters were on the same page and weren't buying into the Pureblooded line, but now she feels them drifting away. I like how you have written her as being openly affectionate towards Bellatrix. That's something a bit different than what I've seen, but I like it. It makes what's going to happen in the long run much more tragic.
The other interesting thing that you did here is make us question the narrator. Andromeda contends that she isn't like her sisters--that she's not cold or snobbish. And, indeed, when it comes to her beliefs, it sounds as though she's not. However the way she speaks to Ted, while understandable, sounds plenty cold and plenty uppity. I like it, because it gives us the idea that perhaps Andromeda does not see herself as clearly as she thinks, and perhaps she could have friends outside her family if she'd loosen up a bit. It keeps Andromeda from too perfect.
I loved the idea that he'd say her name wrong and then keep saying it that way, and that would be the source of the nickname. I wonder if it'll irritate her, at first, if he continues doing it. That would be cute.
Aww, and she already likes him, at least a little bit! She finds him attractive, anyway. The Tedromeda sparks are stirring! Hooray!
I loved that bit about James and Sirius writing frantically, parchment against the wall, as they tried to finish their essays. It was a good picture.
Something about ‘Ted, Ted Tonks’ drew her to him.
--I just really liked this. The way she thinks of his name in the same way he said it is just a super-cute touch!
Okay, so I went ahead and tried to pick out the misspelling stuff that I saw, in case that was helpful. If you don't find it helpful, feel free to ignore it! I just pretty much always give CC, as a rule.
but Black family ruled through
--I'm thinking there should be a 'the' before "Black family"
Bellatrix was beautiful there was no doubt about it.
--There ought to be some kind of break between "beautiful" and "there". Maybe: "Bellatrix was beautiful, there was no doubt about it," or "Bellatrix was beautiful – there was no doubt about it."
for months now she wanted to fix it.
--In this case, since "for months now" includes the past, I think it might be better to say "she'd wanted".
which flashed passed the carriage windows
--In this case, I believe "passed" should be "past". Which seems odd, the more I think on it, but I still think that's the case. It's some kind of preposition-type-thing.
That was until the content peace of their compartment was interrupted by the scrapping on the door sliding opened against it’s rusting hinges.
--I think "scrapping" should probably be "scraping", "on the door" should be "of the door", "sliding opened" = "sliding open", and "it's" = "its".
to the heart, in which her sisters were treasured above all else in: Lucius Malfoy
--you may want to delete that "in" before ": Lucius"
who so affectingly doted on Narcissa.
--You don't need an apostrophe for the plural of LeStrange. Just LeStranges.
Andromeda could tell were this conversation was headed
--were = where
She to was eating a dainty salad,
--I think this should be: "She, too, was eating a dainty salad,"
who he know lived with
--know = now
One thing--typically, the Death Eaters refer to Voldemort as 'the Dark Lord', rather than just 'the Lord'. That has such a religious connotation that it made me laugh, which drew me out of the story for a minute.
Oi Ted, common mate!
--It seems like this is meant to be "c'mon" rather than "common"
"The included you Mr Black!
--Seems like this should be, "That included you, Mr. Black."
Andromeda wasn’t too phased by this
--this has gotten me, too! This word! Ugh. But in this case, it's spelled "fazed" rather than "phazed".
I think you've got something good here :D I like the way you've weaved in that same idea of reputation from your other fic--that seems to be a theme, and obviously a big deal to Andromeda, as she seems very hemmed in by her family's reputation. That's something I hadn't really seen before, and I liked it! And on the whole she and Ted just looked like they had so much cutential (cuteness + potential. It's totally a word. I made it up 2 seconds ago)! There's that whole initial misunderstanding, and Andromeda is a bit cold (even if she's not totally wrong) at first, and Ted's a bit of a prat, showing off for his friends with his sassy retort. But you can tell he's a good guy, because he comes in with a sincere apology right off the bad and is immediately friendly. And he sees himself as melting the icy walls, and she sees him as the first person who's even tried, and I am all for it! Good job!
Author's Response: Penny! :D
Tedromeda is my OTP too! They are just so perfect! I adore them :)
I really wanted to write it alongside so that I could explore different perspectives of the same events, which is really fun :) Especially with the Black Sisters! I love them, they are such an interesting family! haha, yes there will be more Ted and Andromeda! ;D
Yeah I think her relationship with Bellatrix is something that a lot of people just assume was always bad, but I just can't believe that!, I actually think out of all three, they were probably the closest, as they had known each other the longest. For me they have an unspoken bond which is really tragic when it breaks! Tbh, I think there is probably a tiny part of the sane Bellatrix that will love Andromeda as well :')
Yes I'm glad you caught onto the questioning thing! I wanted to do that because it's such a shock when he literally knocked her over and she has no idea how to react to someone like him, so she instinctively just resorts back to her pure blood upbringing on how to deal with it. I think she probably thinks that he doesn't like her and judges her like everyone else, so it's kind of a defensive thing as well.
The little interaction with the two at the end is just my favourite! They are so adorable, I couldn't help myself. I'm so excited to explore them more! :)
Hahaha Cutential is a great word!! :D and definitely describes Tedromeda!
I'm so glad you liked this! It means a lot! :D
Thank you for such a lovely review!
Ps I'll totally get to those changes!! thank you so much for suggesting them it's really helpful for me cause I find it tricky to see them when I proof read!