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Review:Dirigible_Plums says:
Hey,

I'm here for the review swap. I was meaning to get to it last night, but I really needed to go to sleep as I had an early start. Sorry :/ Onwards, I go, though:

I recently discovered a new love for the Black sisters. Their story is so wonderfully morbid and I like to see how they once started out. It's interesting how you've chosen to portray pre-Azkaban Bellatrix as having a "famed cold and stern demeanour" because I can't imagine a Bellatrix that's not insane. It's a believable change though because she would've been brought up to be haughty and distant. She and Narcissa have been portrayed well.

It's also refreshing to have a bookish Andromeda. I never really thought of her to be that type, but I can see how she would be and it really ties in with the Slytherin desire to strive to be the best, essentially . She tries to distance herself from the Black legacy, but she can't quite manage it. Sure, she's not a pureblood supremacist, but I like how she still has the Black mannerisms drilled into her. Meanwhile, Ted is the complete opposite of her. He's clumsy, he's crass and he's wonderfully ordinary.

One thing I think could be improved on is the length of the paragraphs. I'm all for long paragraphs as some of my one shots have a lot of them, but I feel that some of the paragraphs would be better suited to being broken into smaller ones e.g. the one where Lucius & Co enter the compartment.

My other major criticism would be the ending. I feel as if it was cut off at an awkward part. The entire chapter was written from her POV, but that last sentence suddenly switched to Ted's which I felt disrupted the flow. I also thought it would've benefitted from a final paragraph to conclude things properly especially since this is a one shot.

Thanks for the review swap. I look forward to your review :)

Dirigible_Plums xo

Author's Response: Hey, :)

Thank you for the review! :)

I absolutely love the black sister because all three of them are so different and they just fascinate me! I think Bellatrix would have definitely been a typical 'pure blood girl' whilst she was a Hogwarts, rather than the insane Bellatrix in the books, I think she probably lost her mind when Voldemort was killed and she went to Azkaban.

I'm glad you like my interpretation of Andromeda! :) You've totally read what I was trying to capture! Yeah Ted is the total opposite and I think that's what would draw her to him so much and him in turn to her. I love clumsy bashful Ted :)

I'll have a look at the lengths of the paragraphs and see if I can sort that out!

You're right about the last bit, I definitely need to revise that. But there will be more one shots with the two of them, so that's why I've left it open ended :)

Thanks for the review! :)

Katie :)


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