Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hey there again! I thought I'd stick around see where this goes.

This chapter has been enjoyable as well. It definitely isn't as mysterious as the first. In fact, I'd say that it's quite the opposite as it answers questions that us readers may have about George, his life, and the people around him while the first chapter only gave rise to questions.

I think you've done a good job setting the scene and explaining where each of the characters has been and what they plan to do. I can't help but wonder how and if they're going to get involved in all the mayhem. I would say Hermione would be quite resourceful for this sort of thing, but I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I absolutely admire how you've described how George has been dealing with Fred's death. This line in particular struck a chord for me:
"But George learned quickly, adapt or die. He loved his twin, but he wasn’t ready to join him just yet." Had Fred been alive and they were confronted with this challenge, I'd have no doubt they would do marvellous things. And I really do hope that with how much George misses Fred, he would be able to procure something that would've made Fred proud.

I thought the scene over the dinner table was well-written and even though there wasn't much of it in this chapter, I think you have Ginny and Hermione characterised well so far. Also, why does Harry think he gets to give people advice on not getting involved in mysterious things?! He practically went around looking for trouble, and grave consequences never seemed to stop him! But it does sound like something he'd say, even if he wouldn't follow it himself.

As a bit of a nit-picker, and in the spirit of constructive criticism, I caught a few minute errors. I always appreciate when reviewers point those out to me as it makes it easier for me to know what to target while I'm revising. But do let me know if you don't want me to keep an eye out for this sort of thing going forward.

-When you're talking about Victoire, the line should say "There were times when" instead of "time".
-“You really should be more careful George.” is missing a comma before George.
-And in your closing line, I think it should be "it usually ends badly" instead of "bad".

But that doesn't take anything away from the great quality of writing and story-telling throughout the chapter. I really did enjoy it, and I'm excited to see what else you have in store for this story.


Author's Response: I didn't want George to be walking doom and gloom thundercloud over his head type of character. I feel that he would have his issues, like not being able to be in his flat alone, but not completely isolate himself as other authors tend to go for. I feel he would still find that making people laugh would be his sole purpose in life.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 296
Submit Report: