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Review:TreacleTart says:
Hey Alec!

I'm here with our review swap!

I really like the idea that Draco was humbled by his life experiences after the war. If the bad guys get to keep their wealth and reputation, then it isn't really fair, so it's nice to see what happens when they sort of lose it all. It's nice seeing that his name isn't holding weight in the new administration and that he can't just waltz his way through everything.

The idea that Draco is working in a muggle shop in New York is very intriguing. I could see that all being very humiliating for him and really being a driving force in changing his personality. I'm glad to see that he's making the best of it though and trying to learn. Maybe this will redeem him a bit.

That being said, I do hope that at some point people start to forgive him. Draco was really a child when the Dark Lord returned and for most of his youth was pretty much forced to participate with the Death Eaters, so I think there should be some willingness to allow him to recover some dignity.

When I leave reviews, I always try to leave just a little bit of constructive criticism, so here it goes.

I think that while you have a very interesting story it would really help if you showed us how Draco is changing and developing instead of telling us directly. For example instead of saying something like "Draco was embarassed" try "Draco's cheeks burned with shame and his stomach dropped to his feet." Showing your characters reaction helps the reader to connect a bit more and really feel what your character is feeling. It also helps to build a stronger visual.

In regards to editing, I did notice a few typos here and there, but it wasn't anything major or that was detrimental to the story as a whole. Just something to visit if you re-edit this at some point.

Otherwise, good work! I enjoyed this look into Draco's life and how he's changed. I think you have an interesting concept here and I'd love to see you expand it and add more detail.


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