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Review:SunshineDaisies says:
Hello! I am finally here with your requested review! I'm sorry that it took so long!

What an interesting story you've got here! I've read quite a bit about Astoria lately, but nothing quite like this. I love that you've chosen to focus on the sisters here, rather than Astoria's relationship with Draco. Familial relationships are so underplayed :) I've also never seen Daphne written this way, and I kind of really love it. It's so nice to hear about her being something other than pretty and dumb.

Your characters are very well done. You've brought them to life in this chapter, which is a wonderful way to start off a novel! They certainly seem realistic, and your descriptions of them match how they're acting, so you're good on that front. You've also given them interesting characterizations, as I mentioned before. They aren't stereotypical, they're flawed, but still likable. Basically, they're like real people, which is a job very well done indeed.

As for your writing style, you've got a solid voice, but you use a lot of direct exposition. It's necessary sometimes at the beginning of stories, but I will always find it more interesting to read active scenes. That is, I'd rather have you show me something than tell me something. It happened a lot while you were describing the Daphne and Astoria. You don't need to state directly that Astoria is an introvert when you can show us that she's an introvert. So, for example, you can show her walking to and from classes alone, eating alone, avoiding conversation, or searching for somewhere to be alone after a long day. You did a few of those things here, so you've set up a really good base for yourself to build off of. No need to state it explicitly.

You can really do a lot by giving the reader small details. Any action a character makes can help develop their characterization. For example, when walking through a crowd, it seems to me that Astoria would try to maneuver her way through, while Daphne would make people get out of her way. It's a little thing, but it shows a lot! And if you keep adding those together, you get a really seamless story that's interesting to read.

Basically, details are my favorite things in the world and I want everyone to use them more. :)

This is off to a great start! Good work!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks so much for the review! I just opened a review thread myself, so I'm beginning to realize what a big commitment it is. So thanks for doing this for so many people!

I'm so glad you like my characters. I work really hard on characterization for everything I write. I spend much too long working on various character profiles and what not. So I'm glad that shows!

I think I definitely have a problem with a lot of telling and not showing. It's something I'm working on, but I do find that my writing tends to be a lot of words and not a lot of action, especially in the early parts of this story. Thank you for pointing it out and I'll definitely be working on that. I'm actually going through and editing some of this story right now because I have no inspiration for the next chapters.

Thanks again for the review!!


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