WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS ROISIN???
I can't believe you didn't think I would like this – I don't know even know where to start! I don't even feel WORTHY of reviewing this…oh my god. How am I supposed to give concrit???
I’m gonna try.
I LOVE how distinctively ‘adolescent' Tristin and Sophie are! And it totally makes sense that you would go towards OF, because something like this doesn’t belong on a fanfic site – it belongs in a book! It’s the subtle incorporation of details – Sophie wanting to impress her friends/ get back at her ex by sleeping with the ‘mysterious’ boy who went to school abroad, massive ‘dirty-pants-and-dirty-books-hiding expedition’ (which we all still do, quite honestly), the falling asleep with contacts in (that too).
It’s not overtly dramatic or fatal. It’s hard to describe why I like your style so much – too often writers will string a thousand ‘pretty’ adjectives together to sound smart—you don’t do that. It’s not cheesy and ‘trying too hard’ to be clever. Your prose has an easy wit about it, and it’s a pleasure to read.
The nineties references were lost on me, unfortunately. :p
THE PICTURE SHE DROPS AND IT RESPONDS TO BEING DROPPED. I was so nervous she’d figure it out.
The whole ‘moving computers’, ‘working for the government’ excuse made me chuckle. It’s a little funny how Tristan’s mom is too busy fretting about the Statue of Secrecy rather than her son bringing a girl over. I got a slight Arthur Weasley-vibe from his dad. I bet it was all just so surreal for Sophie.
There was also something sad about her getting Obliviated-even though I don’t WANT to have any sympathy for her, I do- because she’s a kid. And he’s a kid. They’re both kids and that immediately makes them sympathetic (to me). The narrative is third person omniscient – but the focus I’m presuming will primarily be on Tristan. We don’t know much about him at this point except he’s a junkie and prone to doing stupid illegal things haha. I can’t wait to see the trouble he gets up to in Hogwarts. AND HOW THE WEASLEY TWINS TIE IN.
You said this was set in the backdrop of PS. So when ickle Harry and co. are running around battling Voldy—Tristan and his mates will be having a spliff? An encounter between Tristan and Harry would be hilarious!! 'Hey mate, wanna smoke?' 'Nah, I've got this double-faced dark lord after me.'
Edit: Just wanted to say that I tried really hard to find something to give concrit on. But it’s obvious you’ve put a lot of effort into this – planning and execution—and I won’t pretend to find mistakes where there aren’t any. I CAN’T. THIS IS SO GOOD.
But def rerequest, haha. Maybe next time I’ll have something more substantial for you than gushing.
Author's Response: !111!!!1!!! AH THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am conspicuously grinning!
Ah, and I am SO happy for your response to the Sophie characterization! I don't actually LIKE her very much, since she's a throw away intro device, but I still wanted some *pathos* there!
And ERMGERD, getting a comment from YOU on my prose is too much! I have written like five different rambling versions of this paragraph, so instead, I'll just say it was REALLY encouraging, (yet I still wish I could just write like you!)
Haha, all you need to catch about the nineties references is that they are nineties references ;) I was about one-years-old when this story takes place, so most of it comes from research. I just really wanted to be like, "hey look, it's the nineties!" since the movies were set ambiguously present-day (to, I believe, their detriment--it's way easier to call plot holes if internet and cell phones are everywhere).
YES, the picture responds to being dropped! You are the first person to comment on that! Thank you!
A few people have mentioned that it's unrealistic that the parents weren't more upset, so I might revisit that. Not to change it, since Tristan's parents are specifically permissive, but to focus on how it's a Statute thing. The point of that whole situation is that being a wizard straddling both world's would influence the teenage experience. And like, the girl getting obliviated after his first time is SUCH A SAD IDEA.
The narration is def HP style focalization, but you'll see that the POV rotates every chapter between the major characters.
"when Harry and co. are running around battling VoldyÃƒÂ¢Ã‚Â€Ã‚Â”Tristan and his mates will be having a spliff?": Yes. That is exactly this story! I figure that the Trio were just too busy fighting evil to get up to many normal teen shenanigans, which isn't true of the school at LARGE--and every school must have its burnouts :)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWWW! It made my day, my week, my month!