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Review:Roisin says:

I wondered about Mr. Walker, since he didn't crop up at the beginning, and really, way to put him at the end! There are so many strands to this story--the crow people, that frikken guy in the shack (I nearly forgot about him!). I'm so excited to see how they all weave together.

So I took notes while reading, and I'll try to piece them into a coherent review (one note reads simply "sparring/feminism"):

-"warm scarfs"--should be scarves. SORRY.

-"Now it was nothing more than testament to a faded childhood"--this was a delightfully meta way to described the ruined Burrow, because it's like OUR CHILDHOODS, YOU KNOW. BECAUSE GROWING UP POTTER. Lovely!

-"While Albus rummage[d] through"

-"Your perception of love has grown very... distorted." HAH, look who's talking, Albus "What's Up With My Cousin" Potter.

-“Maybe the dragon tamed her.” This concept has come up before, and I loved this exchange. It's really atrocious the way that Albus sort of fantasized as her being this weak person, while he's always outwardly pressing her to improve. Because it's not really *improvement* he's trying to accomplish--he just likes bending her.

-"Niceties from Albus were usually like holiday decorations: planned, obvious, and purely aesthetic." Such a great analogy!

-Now, as for the word "manifest." Recently, it's only come up in terms of "manifest of magic," so it's fine to repeat the word, but there was a time some chapters back when that word got used a lot. It's a great word, and individually speaking, I liked the choice. But I'd go back and look into it, because sometimes it was once per paragraph. I'll try and point it out when I get to there whilst back-reviewing.

-"facial scar running across his face" is a wee redundant.

-I LOVE KOVY. Haven't mentioned that yet, but it's nice that Rose has a Normal Human Being in her life, outside of Hugo. AH, HUGO ABDUCTED, NO.

-'He eyed her doubtfully but said nothing, instead nodded. Looked away. Sipped his tea.' This was brilliant. It could have been a much less lovely bit, but separating it with periods like that was really nice. Also, the humanity of that exchange--another little moment of Autistic!Albus. Alsoalso, SO FELIX FELICIS IS GONNA COME UPPP? I'm immediately gonna throw out a fan theory: ScoRose happens, Incest!Albus gets stroppy, felix felicis is somehow involved, then MEGA WAR.

-As for "the sun" being the manifest of magic--I loved that idea, even if it isn't the case. Dave Eggars wrote a short story (from the perspective of a dog), and at the end "it turns out the sun is god." Anyway, I loved the real science that you used in this chapter to augment the magical discussion (conservation of energy/etc). Roses diagram of photosynthesis-->magic was delightful.

-"he simply known where to go." should be "he'd simply known" or "he simply knew"

-"The words evoke[d] three seconds."

-"And if Rose she thought he," remove "Rose" or "she." PS, I love how it's a running thing that you don't subject-intro Rose and Albus by name at times when authors would, simply saying "she" and "he." It's a really nice device, and sort of sets them APART and reminds us how IMPORTANT they are, and hints at future RIVALRY.

-"Because Once Upon a F-ing Time, those ideals had worked." I loved this sentence. It kind of sums up a lot of the tone/concepts of this piece. All of the Potter Canon joy and humanism is gone here, and this is the meta-fanfic adult sequel--and the rules have changed.

-"inwardly wondering whether it was in bad taste to make that joke." Ohoho, rumblings of indecency. Then again, the subconscious pact not to mention the Boggart shows a lot of innocence to their relationship.

-"was no long[er] relevant."

-"then at last that he learned to see." A great nod to the classics (the "seer" archetype is sightless, because The Light that illuminates and gives The Sight, blinds to the natural world!) Not that he's *literally* blind, but I liked the homage.

-And here we go: "sparring/feminism." I *could* have a lot of *feelings* of a *feminist* nature about Albus being consistently *better* than Rose--but I don't. Because she's better, where it matters. And as for the technical stuff, she's REALLY good--he's just preternatural. I love that you were able to do that. And also, where he excels is in his "ballerina grace," whereas she's "brutish." So yeah, hardly gonna call "gender" here!

-"I had wonder[ed] when and where she’d picked the habit."

-And Scorpius/Rose. I'm loving Scorpius more and more, and like I said about Albus/Rose lacking *genuine desire*--ScoRose have it. It does a great job of helping me-the-reader stabilize my impressions of Albus/Rose by offering contrast.


This story is just sososososososo great! I really can't even begin to fathom how you did it! The way the prose varies between rich and rough, the complexity of the plot and characters, the many unique literary devices, it all SHINES.

Now I am going to fret around, waiting for the next update. Please rerequest whenevs! I still have all those back-chapters, and that BOGGART to tackle :)


Author's Response: As always, thanks so so so much for the nitpicks! I need them for sure. And my abuse of the word 'manifest' yikes!

Glad you liked the whole discussion about magic--it's definitely the opener to many developments/ideas coming up.

And Kovy, yeah! Rose needs a few normal people here and there haha.

There's definitely a softer side to Albus in the Felix Felicis scene, and those very last lines are my favorites as well. Though your fan theory made me chuckle.

"Ohoho, rumblings of indecency." You think so? Haha. I'm sure Freud would think so too.

Glad your inner feminist approves! Though this story isn't really meant to make any sort of statement about women's roles or things like that. I'm writing characters, not genders, and while Albus may be better in the magical realm, Rose is the one who carries the story, and, ultimately, she'd the one that survives.

As always, thanks so much for the amazing review! I hope my reply is somewhat worthy :p

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