More meta-Walker! This one is definitely the funniest so far--with him(/us) begging for more Scorpius! Just brilliant! "I want all the parts." Yes, yes we do.
"Sudden rapping on the window made her pulse shoot, but she forced myself calm and climbed out of bed." Uh, come again? I think you meant "forced *herself*" ;)
All of the ScoRose really is just delightful. You excel at wit and banter! I love how just *sweet* Scorpius is, which is a wonderful contrast to Albus. Usually sweetness, and cuteness, and romance turn me off of stories, but this one is so smart and so dark that I actually am enjoying it! Also, I like that he isn't, well, PERFECT. More that, in the context of what's going on, he shines. In another story, he might be rather an a-hole.
"HEAD AUROR for MINISTER crossed DICTATOR" You have such a creative way with language! This isn't necessarily the best example of what I mean, but sometimes your formatting on dialogue (one paragraph alternating between italics and regular) is really original (at least for this site).
So many interesting choices in this chapter: lots of Scorpius POV, meaning levity and humour, which tempers the really disturbing bits (Albus being tortured, the riot).
And the way you did Rose's being recognized in Diagon Alley, in list form, was really inspired! I have a hard time finding words to describe why I love your writing so much--and also, there are many reasons. To start, the narrator has such personality (even in its omniscient moments). The narration is often almost CRUEL, or at least calculating. But also very funny at times. The tone throughout is just tremendous, and you manage really nuanced prose and diction. Overall, there's just a real freshness about the technical choices you make.
Now, and I can't remember if this is much of an issue in this chapter specifically, but there's actually a lot of little grammar fumbles that crop up in this story. They're more like typos, and it's clear that you *do* know the correct forms, but particularly during intense scenes (where you were obviously writing more quickly), there's a peppering of errors. Not so much their/there confusion or anything, more like two synonyms back to back (where one wasn't deleted), or a verb in the wrong tense, or "him" instead of "her." If you read through your chapters again, especially out-loud, I'm sure you'll find them easily :) Or maybe a beta-reader? Then again, I'm stupidly sensitive to these things in other people's writing, so you might not need to prioritize it unless you think you're getting similar comments from other readers. Also, if editing future chapters in ANY WAY lengthens the time between updates, then SCRAP IT. I would rather get a new chapter with a few dumb typos then wait extra long for an otherwise identical one!
Speaking of updates: I'm SO EXCITED that the next chapter is up! Let me know if you want me to review everything in order (which I can do), or if you want me to review the new chapter next!
Author's Response: ALl right, finally hunkering down and responding to your mega fabulous (EXTREMELY INTIMIDATING) reviews. Only took me, what, three months? Yeah, I suck lol.
Glad you enjoyed the ScoRose wit and banter; I'm actually /not/ a ScoRose (or really, anything) shipper so I was pretty insecure about the 'mush' content in this chapter. Glad it wasn't overkill.
"The narration is often almost CRUEL, or at least calculating. But also very funny at times." Aww yes! This is why I love your reviews so much--you always seem to pick up on a lot of my under-the-surface content. Clash is very much like an orchestra piece IMO, or I guess a smoothie, with it's different layers and flavors and tones mixed together. I've spent a lot of time playing around with the tone to see what works (i.e what's interesting to read). I've always been a fan of dark comedy so I'm glad that shines!
You're my beta reader :p
Amazing review as always! Thanks Roisin!