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Review:kenpo says:
Hello!! I'm back again!!

I really hate to open a review with CC, but I don't want to forget:
The dripping of water was heard in the distance, slowly and eerie.

"slowly" is an adverb while "eerie" is an adjective, so it just seems awkward. I'd make it either "slowly and eerily" or "slow and eerie".

I usually don't get that nitpicky, either, but I thought I'd point it out because it's in the opening sentence. There are a few other spots in that opening paragraph, as well. (the corners of his vision were , and his ankles were bound

Now I'm all nervous that you'll think I'm being super rude or something.

Oh my gosh, I love James and Al's different reactions to this situations.

Although technically, I'm not an elf. Sarah Benson said I looked like a goblin after I dumped her last year. Is that the same thing to an elf

I'm getting hungry. I might need to get a review snack.

This Ramsey guy seems... I don't know. I'll have to give an opinion of him at some other point. He's... I really don't know. I'm very curious about him. He seems really intensely protective, but I can't tell if that's coming from a good place or a sort of obsessive stalkerish place.

Hmmm. I'm curious about him.

I like Persia, though! We're getting more of her in casual circumstances, and I'm enjoying that a lot!

It really sucks that Albus is getting in this sort of trouble... I didn't realize that the tour guide was a goblin! I hope they didn't hear James' comment... I don't think they'd take kindly to something like that.

You've got a typo in Al's name. It should be Severus and not Serveus. One thing that I'm not sure about is how soon they start searching so frantically. You said just a few hours, but at that age, they'd probably assume that they just wandered off on their own, and be more angry than weepy. That's just my opinion, so ignore me.


What's going to happen to Persia? What are you doing?!?!

Where are you going with this?!?! LSDJFaoijfd!!!

That guy seemed so creepy, but then she was going along with it too, so I don't know. And I don't know what's going on!!! How long will it take for Ramsey to come after her?

Great chapter! There were more typos than the previous chapters (at least as far as I noticed), as well as some places that it seemed like a word was missing. I think it would read a lot smoother if you read it aloud to yourself to pick those out. You can also copy/paste into google translate and have it read it to you.

I have no idea what to expect with the next chapter! Let me know when you update!!


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks again for answering to the requested reviews.

I don't think it's rude at all for your CC even if it is a opening for review . It is super helpful and you made me realize that this story needs to undergo MAJOR editing. So I thank you so much. You have been the most helpful reviewer EVER!

I am glad you like James' character. He isn't there just for comic relief, but also to make AL's traits like his seriousness and modiness more profound. =)

Ramsey is overprotective and possessive, but it sometimes comes from a good place and most of the time a selfish place.

Glad you like her character. She can come off as super independent and cold, but like any other person has layers.

I did Ginny's reaction like that b/c imagine losing your child in another country? I felt that a parent would be more afraid and worried which the weepy parts come in, but this isn't to she won't get angry later on.

Thanks so much for taking your time to review this throughly. This was such a big help and I have to do edits before I even begin to add another chapter. =)

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