Hi! It's been far too long! I'm glad to be back, reviewing your story again, especially since it has eight chapters now! Wow! :D
Okay, so the tension can only escalate from here. Albus is an awful person (more about that later), and Aaliyah's friends don't really like her choice in a boyfriend. But why do they get so angry about it? Hmmm...
Wow, so the first section about a sleepless night is one I can totally relate to right now, having just woken up from a sleepless night myself. :P I particularly liked this quote: "It feels right. And sometimes you need something to feel right to balance out all the things that go wrong." It was really interesting and actually much more mature than the Aaliyah that presented herself in the rest of the chapter. (I guess sleepless nights have a way of making people less mature.) :P
A question about the Albus/Aaliyah thing: Could they have planned out their interactions a little bit better? Maybe they might've held off on the declaration of their "lurve" for a week, and in the meantime they could've dropped hints about how cute they think each other are, and et cetera? Just a thought. I think it's really awful of Albus to just jump right in and do whatever when he knew that Aaliyah wasn't prepared for it.
But before I get into my rant about Albus: The roommates. Gemma and Naomi seem like the types of girls that I would never want to associate with. They got into a major fight just because of a boy!! I don't know, I think that they, being Ravenclaws, would've found ways to sabotage each other instead of catfighting. But maybe they didn't think of that before they let their emotions run wild. Ugh, they're insane. I don't like them at all! They should probably just forget about Luke and find other people to date, to be honest. :P
Hmmm, Seth. For all of Aaliyah's protests, I think that Seth might have a bit of a flame for her. But he's just too shy to say anything and now she's got a "boyfriend," uh oh! What's going to happen there? I was particularly intrigued by the shifting nature of Seth's physical features. Would it be safe to assume that he's at least a little bit of a metamorphmagus? :P
Okay, Albus rant now: I HATE ALBUS POTTER IN THIS CHAPTER. The whole sitting-down-in-the-midst-of-the-Ravenclaws thing was bad enough, but then he kept doing things that Aaliyah wasn't okay with. Gr. Why did he have to keep his plans a secret from her? Couldn't they have planned things out so that the events at breakfast were less... tense? And what were her friends doing while she and Albus had their little whisper-fight? Ugh, I just wish that he would be more considerate. And the "marking his property" thing made me REALLY MAD. NOBODY should be allowed to do that. But people in real life probably do, which is sad. So I'm glad that you've shown Albus in a less-than-pleasant light, because maybe he'll get a chance to redeem himself later. As long as he apologizes for being so chauvinistic first. :)
Arrggh, sorry for turning this review into a rant-fest. I just want to express how angry I am with Albus right now. I think it's important for you to know that you've managed to make me dislike Albus so much already, and I'm glad that he's not-so-nice (for now). It will give him more room for character growth. :D
The confrontation with her friends was honestly the only part that I felt was rushed. You spent a bit of time building up to it, and then they just instantly forgave Aaliyah. What I don't understand is why they were so worked up about it in the first place. Do they have something against Albus? Or are they just so close to Aaliyah that they feel left out of her life because she kept her "relationship" a secret? I can't really tell, but I would have liked to see a bit more tension after Annie said, "Guys, calm down. Let's just talk it out." Maybe a more gradual lightening of the mood? But anyway, Aaliyah has some pretty loyal and caring friends if they get worked up about her secret relationships. :)
A few grammar things:
"Either my decision making skills have gone straight down the toilet or… I don't actually know the other option, but.. yeah."~I think that this sentence might be better without the "I don't actually know..." part. It seemed a bit out of place in the narrative. Perhaps just shorten it to "My decision-making skills have gone straight down the toilet." Just a suggestion, though!
""I DIDN'T STEAL HIM AWAY. HE LOVES ME!" I snort."~This makes it sound like Aaliyah is the one who said this particular bit of dialogue. Perhaps make "I snort" and the words that follow into a different paragraph?
"She is what you call the 'cute and sassy chic.'"~Is "chic" supposed to be "chick?" I wasn't quite sure.
"Not only is she smart but wise in a way."~I see what you mean in this sentence, but I think it could have been a little bit more clear. Perhaps reword it and give a qualifier? What makes her "wise" as opposed to just "smart?" Is she intelligent as well as good at reading people? Does she give good advice? That's what I would like to know. :)
Sorry for the length of this review. It's a bit unwieldy. :P
But anyways, here's what I like about this story/chapter: Aaliyah is realistic. She's just stuck in a situation that she can't really control right now, and I'm rooting for her in hopes that she'll take control. You've managed to make me hate some characters with just a few scenes. In my opinion, that is MUCH better than just feeling so-so about them. Maybe I'll be surprised in the next chapter! And of course, the writing style is great. I really enjoy reading these chapters! So keep doing what you're doing, and I'll see you next time you request a review! :D
Author's Response: I hate sleepless nights but then... I can wake up earlier if I get less sleep, idk why. I totally forgot about that quote. It's been some time since I went back over Chapter 3. I'm glad you like it though. Maybe it was the sleepless night(s) that makes her less mature? That or maybe it was because of a certain Potter's presence? Who knows? :P
They definitely could have planned it better, but... they didn't. The thing is not everyone gets everything right so that's the part they didn't get right. They didn't time it right. But as they grow, they'll learn. I guess I wanted to add in some aspects about being a teenager.
I wouldn't want to associate myself with Gemma and Naomi either but there are those girls in school that even if you don't know them too well, you want to stay away from them. Or maybe that's just me. They aren't going to make many appearances in the rest of the story but they do forget about Luke.
Seth... I don't really want to reveal too much. :P But let's just say he's coming up in the next few chapters. He is a metamorphmagus... when it comes to emotions. He isn't as controlled as Al.
I had a lot of fun reading your Albus rant. You HATE him? Well, he really isn't that likable, is he? But he does grow... a lot. He's the character who changes the most (positively) in the story. And maybe your hate for him will turn into love? :D
I do see why you would feel that part was rushed. When I have the time, I'll try and look back at it and maybe make it feel more well paced. And her friends care a lot about her so they weren't really angry at her... more hurt. Ellie just shows hurt as anger.
Thanks for catching those mistakes. I will definitely go back and fix them when the que opens again.
You are probably one of the only readers that outright hates someone with a passion at the moment and I love that. Feeling strong emotion toward a character is always better than nothing at all, as you said.
And now I have a new goal... I'm going to make you LOVE Al. Granted, it's going to take time but I totally going to make you like him. I'll show you how much of a SOFTIE he is. :P
Overall, I LOVE reading your reviews. I need to re-request more often. You give great and honest feedback that I love and thank you for that.
100/10 on this review! :D