I'm so sorry that it's been aaagggeeesss since you requested this review, but better late than never, I guess! :D
I'll just start by saying that I don't usually read this type of fic. I'm more of a Next Generation fan, and the fics in the Hogwarts era never really appealed to me.
BUT!!! This story is quite different! I really enjoyed having two perspectives--Sophie and Tristan--although I thought at first that Sophie was going to be one of the main characters. (I guess she won't be, since she's a Muggle and such.) And I know that Tristan is going to be connected to the Weasley twins in some way, but I can't even guess how right now. It's all a mystery. I like Tristan's character--he could stand to stop moping, but I think that it's part of who he is at this point--and I like the way you write! So I'm super glad that I've found yet another facet of fanfiction to enjoy. :)
Okay, so you asked me to check for any grammar mistakes/bad writing in general, and I must say that I found none of those things. The writing style flows very well, and the grammar was impeccable! No worries. :)
Characters: I liked Sophie. She seems to be a sort of lost soul, just trying to find a way to fit in or stand out, since her boyfriend dumped her. And the "dozens of little televisions" thing had me laughing. Perhaps her musings about whether or not Tristan's parents are drug addicts was not out of place--it never occurred to me that Muggles would think that if they didn't know that they were in the company of wizards. So I was sad to see that Arnold Peasegood went ahead and Obliviated her. I would have liked to see her in later chapters.
Tristan--he seems like he's a mess right now. He finally found a girl that wouldn't pry (of course, Sophie only wanted to get to know him because she was hurt by her breakup with Stuart), and he was so careful to hide the evidence of magic in his room. Perhaps she made him happy for once, only to be sucked out of his life again by fate. Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH for not making him a super-hot, super-muscled manly man. My biggest complaint about Next Gen is that there are too many "pretty boys" acting as love interests, and Tristan is definitely not that type. He fits in with my idea of Hogwarts-era people really well--not beautiful to the point of being a god, but simply just an average human being. I like it!
And so he sank into sadness. Watching anyone get Obliviated is hard enough, but he took it extra hard, I think. Did he care for Sophie very much? I couldn't quite tell by his actions, but that seems to be the case. And of course, his parents aren't the overly pushy type, they're not going to pry. They'll just let him do what he needs to do. I wish there was some way they could reach out to him without being obnoxious, though, but I think that you've written this very realistically!
I like that his dad is a Muggle. It explained why he was so knowledgeable about "secret government projects" and Muggle technology. Of course, he's actually not a secret government researcher, but it made sense to Sophie and calmed her down. That was a really good scene. :)
My one complaint is that Arnie Peasegood was like "Boys will be boys" when he came to Obliviate Sophie. I'm not so much a fan of that statement or the implications of it, but it definitely makes sense. It paints Arnie as the type of character who is willing to excuse messes as long as they can be easily cleaned up, and that's realistic. But it doesn't mean that I'm Arnie's biggest fan. If he appears again, I'll probably hate on him just a bit, if that's okay with you. :)
Please don't let my tardiness in reviewing this chapter deter you from requesting reviews from me again! It's been quite a busy summer, but I'm glad that I finally found time to read and review this. :D
Author's Response: Oh yay! Thank you so much for leaving a review--no worries about the wait!
Yeah, I didn't really realize that this was a very different kind of story. I wrote "Year Five" first, and then found HPFF when I was looking into places to put it--and I'd never read fanfiction before (wow, so much talent on this site!) So yes, the story was conceived outside of HPFF fandoms.
I'm glad you liked Sophie! She is, as you noted, kind of a throw-away character--more of a narrative device to introduce the story. That said, I did want her to be realistic and sympathetic, so I'm really glad that came off!
And YES--I wanted all of the characters in this story to be realistic looking teenagers. That said--I find something weirdly attractive about the actor who I chose as Tristan' faceclaim (*weirdly* attractive, though. Not traditionally handsome :p )
And AH! Yeah, the idea of the girl who someone justhadtheirfirsttimewith(!) getting obliviated was SUCH a sad idea to me. I really wanted this story to examine the way that the wizarding world be also be cruel in novel ways (outside of just like, blood purity stuff).
Everything you feel about Tristan, his parents, all that--I'm actually really glad you said what you did, because all these characters are going places.
And oh yes, we are supposed to despise Arnie a little here. He's definitely not *evil*, or anything, but you'll see that this story takes a rather different approach to the Statute of Secrecy ;)
I will definitely re-request! Take all the time you need!
And thank you so much for your review! It's really helpful for me to see the perspective of someone who wouldn't usually read this kind of fic (I recognize it wouldn't be to everyone's tastes).