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Review:Roisin says:
Way too into this story to wait for a re-request! I'll try to make this review helpful, but I may devolve into "LJGFSNLJGAGWBFIE!11!11!"-ing.

First off: the first paragraph. !!!1!1!!.

That was a really good example of the kind of dry humor you weave into this story. That opening was so meta--BECAUSE IT'S LIKE WHAT THE READER THOUGHT, YOU KNOW?!?!

One kind of small thing I appreciated: your description of apparition. I feel like a lot of people, me included, just kinda go "you know, squeezed through a tube and all that." I like how you used new ways to describe it, and didn't totally take it for granted.

Throughout, Albus is fascinating. You've created a really tricky character here, and I cannot find the words to squee enough. The way you introduce him as a small child really forces the audience to have some sympathy, but still the narrator insists that he's trouble.

And the whole bit with Harry--this story is very clearly heading somewhere BIG, but I have NO IDEA where or what that is.

The Rose/Albus relationship is also infinitely interesting and complex. You say they are best friends, they are also family, there is also bitter rivalry and mistrust, and Rose at least tries to understand Albus. Also, there's something. I don't want to call it "romantic" or "incestuous"--"mixed up" is the best way I can describe it. I don't know if that will actually be a plot point, or if its more the interpretation of others, or if its just a (honestly, realistic) subtlety of so complicated a relationship.

And I know I said I wasn't interested in reviewing Rose/Scorpius ships, but that's mostly because it's just so, "WELL YEAH." I'm both weary and wary of them, because it's an obvious ship specifically for its irony. Too often, I feel like the irony, and disliking-one-another beginnings are kind of taken for granted. Here, you really do it justice.

"Arms pinned against the wall, his shirt was torn from clawing. Lip bled, torso ached from the countless kicks"--a beautiful sentence. And I liked that this bullying involved Albus peeing himself, because violence can really easily be romanticized. Peeing yourself is always pathetic/shameful.

And just, AH! The whole Scorp/Albus friendship is so very brilliant, and detailed, and complicated, and subtle, and loaded. And just the image of these two very handsome, very talented, complete psychopaths is simply intoxicating. I could probably write several reviews on the Scorp/Albus passage alone.

The last section almost shows some cracks, maybe some vulnerability in Albus. Maybe. It's written quick, but he holds his crying sister. Then again, this: "It would take her years to figure out its true manifest."

This story has waded out incredibly far into the murkiest depths of human psychology and behavior, and you've managed to tease apart really slippery subtleties. IT IS A TRIUMPH.

Two mistakes:
-"had brought his [him] to this point."

-"The fact [that] Albus could manipulate Scorpiusís observations"

One more time, and then I'll shut up about it: HPMOR! There's Harry/Draco and Harry/Hermione friendships there that remind me of Albus/Scorp and Albus/Rose--but mostly, this story brings it to mind because both are going somewhere BIG, both involve BIG MAGIC, both have a dark!Potter, and I can't even fathom where either is going.

Okay, I'm going to stop here before fangirl takes over completely, leaving nothing left of Roisin when she is done.

AJGEFBMVHRMBGKH!!!1!!11!
-Roisin

Author's Response: FIRST PARAGRAPH I KNOW. HAHA

Mr. Walker is just so smart that he seems to exactly what readers are thinking and I just love his role for it (haha another character whose full name is a mystery).

I have too many feels about Albus to try to explain him. You've read ahead so you know exactly why he's such a complex character to characterize.

I'm very careful and deliberate with how I play the Rose/Albus dynamic and I like your "mixed-up" comment, because that seems to be the best explanation for such a complex relationship. Agreed, there's something very intentionally ambiguous about them, and most readers won't really pick up on the subtlety (which is totally fine, tbh). You'll just have to see what becomes of it.

Glad you enjoyed the Al/Scorp friendship-and the "two very handsome, very talented, complete psychopaths"- I wouldn't say Scorpius is a psychopath, moreso someone that goes along with Albus' schemes for the thrill of it. And I like to think of Albus as a pseudopsychopath than a full-fledged psychopath, though I'm sure it seems that way from chapter 2.

This story is a massive character study under the horror/action-adventure tag haha.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL REVIEW.

YOU ARE AMAZING :)


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