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Review:mymischiefmanaged says:
This is my favourite chapter so far. You've done a really good job bringing out Annett's voice, showing how observant she is rather than just having her tell us she's observant, and making it clear that her shyness doesn't mean she's not able to have fun. I'm interested to see more of how her relationship with Al and Scorpius works. Are they friends? Or do they just get along okay?

You've set up something interesting here with Al, showing that his life isn't perfect and that he has more going on than people realise. I like the idea that Annett's watching him to see how he's doing.

You do a fantastic job with Yang, managing to make him extremely dislikable before we even meet him. I like how you run through the reasons all the different Wotters don't like him to create his persona. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how Annett gets revenge on him.

I'd be a bit wary of the long lists of names (like how you've told us all of Dean's children and Seamus's children). It's not really a big problem but I think it breaks up the narrative a bit and interrupts the really strong voice you've given Annett. It does help to show how aware she is of the people around her but I think you've already achieved this.

I love that Annett's confused by why people are scared of her. It fits in so well with the idea that she's amazing at observing other people but doesn't know how she herself fits into everything.

Really good work. I look forward to reading more. x

Author's Response: Thank you for your amazing advice! I have managed to edit this chapter accordingly and took it as an opportunity to add a little bit of information about her parents that would have otherwise been in a later chapter. :D

Scorpius does play a major role! Although that's, again, in a later chapter.

She gets along with them alright, especially with Al given that they share similar interests and classes.

Annett has not yet considered any of her classmates to be her friends. They've talked very little over these past few years. They haven't spent too much time together either, given that she's been doing her own thing: her experiments and her pranks.

I've realised the irrelevancy of long lists of names upon your insight and have dealt with it. :D Thank you.

Once again, I love your reviews! Thank you for being so helpful! :D

Cheers.


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