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Review:Beeezie says:
Aww, thank you so much for the dedication! ♥ I'm sad that both the story and the CIs are coming to an end. :( You don't happen to have another novel in the planning stages that will need graphics, do you? :P

I really enjoyed this chapter. Looking back on all of them, I can definitely see how your writing has evolved and improved over time, which is great. The adjective/adverb overuse I'd been noting in early chapters has basically vanished at this point, and the prose as a whole just has a smoother flow to it. (That's not to say your writing was bad at the start, of course! It wasn't! But it has gotten better.)

A couple little pieces of crit:

I would have liked to see a little more about Draco's relationship (or lack thereof) with Wormtail. It's not even so much that I wanted you to spend more time on it, because I agree that Hermione would not have wanted to dwell on it, but I did wish I'd gotten some indication from Draco about how Wormtail affected him, even if it was just a sneer or a kick.

I also was a little confused by Lucius and Narcissa showing up and calling Draco, 'Malfoy.' That seemed very out of character for them. I also felt like Hermione was a bit too nonchalant about their presence - after all, the mending that's happened between her and Draco certainly doesn't extend to them, and I'm not even sure that 'changed sides' is accurate as much as 'defected' is. It's not like they joined the Order, after all.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter. I thought that you captured the affection and love that the Malfoys clearly shared for each other perfectly, and I also loved that you didn't ignore their prejudices. Even though there wasn't time to properly address it in the moment, it's clear that they weren't pleased, and it wouldn't shock me if they did take Draco out of the fight by whatever means they had to... because that's something they would do, too.

I also thought that you captured the action elements of the chapter really well. There was a lot going on in it, but throughout the chapter, I felt like I had a very good picture in my head of what was going on, which is a pretty impressive feat given how chaotic the scenes you were describing were. It never got repetitive, either, which was excellent.

Great job, and this was a crazy cliffhanger! I hope you get the next chapter up soon!

Author's Response: Branwen! :D

You completely deserved the dedication! Your CIs give such a beautiful face to these chapters, and your fantastic reviews are really going to help me improve this! (That improvement is going to start happening like...tonight! WHOA.) As for other projects planned...I'm considering a sequel to this, actually! I don't know yet, but I feel like I could continue from where this ends. We'll see, I suppose! I'll be writing a huge, in-depth, overly-emotional blog post on HPFF after I post the epilogue to this story, so maybe I'll decide by then. :)

I'm so happy that you see how my writing has changed! I completely agree that it's gotten better! It's been five years since I started this, after all, and a lot has changed in my style, etc. I'm glad you think it's better now. When I edit the other chapters (starting like...tonight! ;) ), I hope to improve them also. Thanks!

I love your criticism, as always! I'll think how to clarify with Wormtail. As for the word "Malfoy" being shouted...I actually imagined that as one of the fighters in the hall seeing Lucius and shouting that. Huh. I'll have to clarify that as well, oops! But I will fix Hermione's reaction...and pretty much that whole scene for that matter. XD

But I am glad you liked their characterization for the most part, as well as the action-elements here. Thanks again for this fantastic review! I can't believe the end is so close...I barely even want to write it. Edits first, though, and then the end...wow.

Thank you so much for everything.
--Emily


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