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Review:TidalDragon says:
Howdy Gabbie! First off, sorry I'm late - so you're entitled to free review as promised in my thread. Just PM me whichever other story you'd like a review on and I'll take a look.

As far as this story goes though (and you know I'm normally long-winded), I thought it was brilliant. The characterization of Teddy was similar to that which we see in Transparent, but looking at things from Teddy's perspective was very interesting. We get a deeper appreciation for why he is the way he is. What I found particularly interesting about this was how through all his denials of having emotion, he actually reveals the intensity with which feels the singular "emotion" or feeling you lead with - emptiness. I definitely liked the Teddy you've crafted from this angle much better than in Transparent though (and I'm interested to see - since this is a companion piece - where it fits in the scheme of that story).

I thought the second half of the chapter was mixed. I'll confess in the early part of it (essentially the middle of the story) I began to feel a slight sense of things dragging on. I wasn't sure how this one-shot was going to track in terms of plot and so I was wanting to press on and get a sense of that. However, after it got past that point, where Fred (II) started laying the truth on Teddy instead of simply "letting him be" I could see where we were headed based on the beginning and where Dominique would tie in.

What I thought was particularly excellent was the ending. I know it was literally caused by the cold and shivering, but it was superb the way you made Dominique the assured one in the situation and turned Teddy into the stammerer. It was a delicious reversal and I think it was a great part of the transition to Teddy suddenly realizing that Dominique is what he years for. It's interesting because even though she is far more timid and generally nicer than Teddy, they are similar in their loneliness and I think that could be potential ground for a connection. I hope Teddy snaps out of it and shapes up after these events though. Maybe Dominique will do him some good.

TL;DR - Impeccably written, wonderful word choice, middle was a bit sloggy, but the ending was brilliant. Great work!

Author's Response: Hello!

TidalDragon, its good to see you finally! I was beginning to think that you were hiding from me. Hhhaa. I already sent you a message about a story that I'd like you to check out, hope I hear from you soon! :3

Now, I was expecting you to hate this one-shot. I thought, "Man, he is going to rip me a new one for this mess." So I'm really thrilled and VERY shocked that you liked it so much. That makes me feel SO much better about it because I wasn't at all confident when I posted it.

Anyhoo, I had the idea for this one-shot for a while but it took AGES for me to write it because frankly, Teddy Lupin is a headache. He's a difficult person to grasp but I managed to stuff all of his issues in pretty well. The lack of emotion that he feels is interesting but also sort of a shield against himself and what he has to face. He feels very strongly and that's something that he can't accept.

This hasn't been mentioned in Transparent but I'm going to work it into the next chapter so that it won't just be floating around on here. Dominique might not want to be as eager to remember it as Teddy, I think? Haha.

OKAY. I hated this second half. Let me be HONEST with you! I thought about scrapping the entire story, I struggled so much through it but what I loved was the bond that Fred has with Teddy. Their differences were fun to write but it did slog on a bit too long and I was getting bored, hence the ending that I wrote.

I was trying to push Teddy into looking at Dom in a different light...perhaps even noticing her as a woman instead of a little girl and I think I pulled it off. And oh, how wonderful was it to see Teddy being the weak one for a change? I totally did that on purpose. Cause...I'm evil.

And petty. Hahahah.

Anyway, thanks for the wonderful review and I hope that we continue to chat like this. I'll have to check out your own work soon but in the meantime, have some candy...

Much love,

Gabbie


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