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Review:marauderfan says:
I am finally here with your requested review, and so sorry it took weeks for me to get to it! :(

The things you've asked about in your request: first of all plotline. As it's only the first chapter I'm not sure where it will go yet (apart from some romantic troubles for poor Aeris) but you've got a strong start to your story so far.

Flow: It moves quickly, but that's clearly the point ;) One thing I noticed though is that it jumps back and forth between Aeris and James' POV's a bit which can sometimes be hard to follow. But if you want to include both main characters' perspectives, my suggestion would be to do the chapter in sections so it's clear who is the narrator and then you can avoid switching POVs mid-paragraph.

Characterisation. At first, I read that paragraph about James and I was like "what seventeen year old ACTUALLY looks that fit?" and then I realised it's because Aeris is borderline obsessed with him, so of course she's seeing him through rose-coloured lenses. And then her descriptions got a lot funnier, and I enjoyed the mental image of Aeris in a corner creepily staring at James :P And I mean, I can kind of understand her being too shy to talk to her crush though and just sits there watching him! :p Your description of Aeris' personality is really well done. She's incredibly insecure, and although she never says so, it's plain to see in all of her actions.

And OMG JAMES. I want to hit him over the head with a Beater's bat for taking advantage of Aeris! He seems to only be interested in pushing her as far as he can before she tries to get him to stop (which she won't because she's infatuated with him) and he uses that for a one-night stand when she's drunk. He is utterly classless. I really do not like James in this story (sorry lol). I also kind of want to strangle Aeris too for doing everything for the wrong reasons. Gah! I wonder what Harley will say when she finds out about Aeris' escapades during the night. I hope she slaps James, because someone needs to.

A couple of picky word choice/order things: 'glass stained windows' should probably be 'stained glass', and a few paragraphs later you said 'intimate' rather than 'imitate'. And I think once or twice you typed Aeris' name as 'Aries'.

Well I think that sums everything up, and sorry about that little rant about James, I hope I didn't come across as too mean :p I hope Aeris gets some self-esteem soon, and I also hope karma comes back to kick James in a sensitive area. Great work on this chapter, though! I do only one chapter per request (that's just to make it fair to everyone) but feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: HI! Thank you for your time to fullfill this requested review!

Flow: Yes, I seem to have trouble with that. I need to have it flow more gently and purposely. I reread the sentence that I think you were speaking about and edited. So, thanks you!

Characterization: Aries is obsessive, so no matter what James does, she continually sees him in a different light that is pleasant & pleasing for herself. I am super glad she comes off as insecure and unsure of herself. She is still trying to find her footing and set off to her own path. =)

And James is not suppose to be the favor LOL I didn't expect readers to like him. Most do not! I completely understand b/c he is portrayed as a jerk. And also thanks a ton for pointing out things that need to be edited and actually edited them already. THANKS SO MUCH!!

Anywho, thanks a ton for R&R! =D


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