|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
For the House Cup 2014 Review
Although I was going to review this anyways! That’s just an added bonus :)
I’m back! Sorry that it’s been so long. I was very busy with school for a while, and then I was traveling, but I’ve been wanting to read the next chapters for AGES! By the way, I recently visited the Tower of London and got to hear about Richard’s rumored nefarious doings, and I thought of what Rose might have to say about those allegations :)
So, a joust! How fun. Although I must say, it does not sound like the ideal post-hangover activity. Poor Rose! And no water! I guess there’s always the "hair ‘o the dog that bit ye” method. Yikes.
I love that Rose gets into jousting. It does make sense, since she’s a fan of Quidditch. I mean, of course she’s concerned when people are injured, but she is used to a game where people hit bludgers at each other and try to knock players out of the sky, which *is* probably worse than even falling off Apollo would be. I think I, personally, would want to enjoy it, but spend half the time in a panic. Rose taking to it more easily makes sense, and the concern she does show speaks well for her character.
I also like that Rose is really thinking about how she ought to act. She’s not paranoid about it--as she says, she’ll only be there for a while--but she is taking things seriously, which I think may be good for her character growth, long-term.
And Sir Nicholas! He’s a wizard?! Ooh! I didn’t see that coming, but I like it. I’m looking forward to seeing how that might play out. Also, having Salazar Slytherin be the “knave" of snakes? I love that! Brilliant touch. It all goes so perfectly: crowns for Rowena’s diadem, cups like the Cup of Hufflepuff, and swords like the sword of Gryffindor. It does all fit wonderfully as a deck of cards. How very clever!
Also, is Scorpius coming to Fotheringay? Oh my!
Really all I’ve got here is teeny, nit-picky things.
"They were armed in full silver armor, which reminded me quite strongly of the suits of armor which decorated Hogwarts and were prone to going for unexpected strolls.”
--Armed in armor which reminds her of suits of armor is a lot of “arm” in one sentence. Maybe “outfitted” in full silver armor might break it up a bit? But that really is quite picky. I love the bit about comparing it to the Hogwarts armor, though, and how those suits will just get up and walk on their own.
"I wondered why he was so sure about keeping his voice down.”
--“insistent” might be a better word than “sure” here. Or something like that.
But that’s it. You’re writing is so good that, if I’m to critique anything at all, it pretty much always has to be the teeny tiny details.
Another great chapter, as always! I’m so excited to be reading this story again! :D
Author's Response: Hi Penny!!
Don't even worry, I've been really slow and lazy about editing and uploading these chapters!! That's so cool - I LOVE the tower and London in general as is probably pretty clear here, hehe. Rose has (so far) not really been able to research Richard and hear about his reputation, though it will someday definitely cause her some trouble.
It makes me cringe just thinking about Rose and her hangover, yuck. I'm so glad I live in a place and era where there is clean water, and it's another Rose is starting to appreciate about her own time.
Haha, that's a funny point about Quidditch and why Rose likes the jousting. I think it would be pretty cool to watch especially when you know the people in the suits of armour. She also does want to act properly and not stand out too much, since she doesn't know for sure if she can get back herself and what the consequences of exposing herself as an imposter might be. She is a little self-conscious as well so she doesn't want to make a fool of herself.
Hehe, I'm so glad you liked Nicholas being a wizard!! It was one of the twists I was really excited about. I did some research on decks of cards of the time and thought they seemed quite cool, and it fit well to tie them in here. I'm glad you liked it!
Scorpius...well, we should keep an eye on him. :P
Thanks for pointing those out, I've fixed them now and it's super helpful! :D Thanks so much for the really wonderful review, Penny, and I'm sorry about the late response! ♥