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Review:CambAngst says:
Hello, again! Doing what I can to help with the big push, so for the record:

House Cup 2014 Review

I like the fact that Isobel owns her vanity. She does it and she does it well and she takes what most would consider a vice and makes it into a sort of personal virtue. In fact, this chapter really seems to be all about vices. Isobel is vain, Laurel is a charm junkie (gluttony?), Emily is a slag (lust) and Tristan has a real superiority complex where it comes to the muggle vs. magical (pride). That leaves out wrath, sloth and envy, but you can't have it all in a story with only four main characters I suppose.

And then, all of a sudden, Emily just gave up on boys, in order to wait patiently for Tristan to start paying attention to her. -- Ah! I'm pleased that I got this right in one of my earlier reviews.

It seems that they've planned out their trip to Hogsmeade quite thoroughly, obtaining necessary provisions and all that. A very realistic touch, based on my own experiences. To waste a day effectively, you need to make sure that everything is in place or you'll spend valuable slacking time addressing your wants and needs. That's way too much like productivity.

I love what you did with Filch. I wouldn't imagine a middle-aged squib who lives in a magical school would know much at all about muggle technology.

Laurel and Isobel are quite the pair as they make their way around the village. It's more often male characters who are written as this type of trouble-maker, and it was neat to see a pair of girls engaging in a devil-may-care day of recreational magic, petty theft and generally being obnoxious.

Hmmnn... who or what was inside the Hog's Head that chased Laurel away? Another small mystery?

You've done such a good job of keeping Tristan's music perfectly time and genre-appropriate. Kudos on all of your research and excellent taste.

Ha! Love the Hufflepuffs and their secrets to obtaining all manner of creature comforts.

I saw one lonely typo as I was reading:

She patted it once, and pinched the excess flesh around her naval. -- navel

Great job! I shall return soon.

Author's Response: Thank you for all of the reviews!!!

What you said about the seven sins is really interesting! Wrath and envy definitely make appearances, and even a little bit of sloth (although it's by far the least interesting sin.)

Writing their day in the village definitely involved me trying to channel my younger teenage self, and remembering all the ways intoxicated/giddy teenage girls can be obnoxious, and how they don't really care. I'm glad you found it realistic! And the comment that young women are rarely written that way was quite the complement.

Oh, I didn't mean for the Hogs Head to be such a mystery. Rather, Laurel just thought it looked very seedy, and that two teenage girls might do better NOT to go in.

And yes, lots of research into the music! I tried to comb through everything era-appropriate in order to find the songs that fit each person the best. And writing Isobel's distaste for the Pixies was fun, because I really like them.

AH, thank you for pointing out "naval"!!!

You're the best!





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