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Review:roisin says:
This was such a great chapter!

I loved that it started lighter and more funny, after the last chapter was so dark. The transition through mystery and into action was top notch, and over all really engrossing.

And your characterization was so effortless and on point! Ron's POV was perfect, and I really liked seeing Susan be a bad@ss. The way the characters interacted with one another was all ace.

Plus all those little details--Ron being taller, so Harry casts the shield charm, and Ron hurls spells. I liked all those little moments like that, because it showed you really made this story your own, while maintaining Rowling's sensibilities.

There were a few little grammar problems--"send" instead of "sent," "dropping" instead of "dropped." Generally the kind that come out of rewriting (editing is like trying to behead a Hydra!)

Also, the very ending with Bizzy seemed a little rushed (because it was the end of the chapter, and the action was over, so that makes sense). As a result, it told rather than showed a bit, and that left you with some melodramatic language. I like what you were going for a LOT, but since we've already had Dobby, I think your story would benefit from a little distance.

Overall, this chapter is really really great (and Bizzy is an AWESOME elf name). Your balance of light and dark, comedy and action was excellent. And you did something really nice by capturing the youth of the DA-turned-aurors.

On to the next!

Author's Response: Hello, hello. Thanks to this House Cup event, I've fallen shamefully far behind on answering my reviews. Trying to catch up.

I'm glad you like the different "moods" of different parts of the story. I really don't like stories that are too monochromatic in terms of mood.

I'm glad you liked Ron's little mental tangents about strategy and tactics. I wasn't sure whether they added more than just length to the chapter.

Thanks for pointing out those typos. I'll patch those up.

I can definitely see how the ending came on a little fast. Dobby was definitely in the back of my mind, because I knew that both that and the demolished child's bedroom would really hit Harry hard. Point taken.

Thanks! Coming up with elf names is incredibly hard, isn't it? Mine always end up sound so cartoonish to me. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the chapter and sorry for taking so long to respond!


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