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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Howdy! Sorry it's been a few weeks since you requested your review... But here I am!

Oh my goodness, things are happening fast to Aeris!! (Is that how you spell her name? I think in your request, you typed "Aries," so I wasn't sure.) First she's eye-stalking James, then she's talking to James, then she's sneaking to the kitchens with James, then...

Wow. She seems like a smart girl, so it's really odd that she would trust James so implicitly... And then, of course, he hurts her. So this chapter shows all the ranges of emotions that a girl can have when infatuated with James Potter--but it happens over an accelerated period of time. Very interesting!

I think it was totally mean of James to seduce her into pulling a prank on the Ravenclaws--sore losers though they were! He seems like a jerk, and to be honest, I already dislike him. Hopefully Aeris will see sense and drop him!

A few comments on grammar/descriptions and things like that:

Starting a story with a description like the one of James at the top of the page is an interesting way to draw people in. People are very sensory, so giving them an image really helps to establish the story. But the "beige" descriptions of the people's faces didn't really have an impact on me. I'm not much of an artist, so I'm not exactly sure what color "honey beige" could be. Perhaps you could dial it back to "tan" or something more familiar? (Just a suggestion.)

Also, I would warn against beginning every chapter with a description of someone's body and face and personality. Sometimes it's cool to work those details into the narrative, and you can give your characters stage directions. For instance: ""What are you doing tonight?" he smirked arrogantly, ruffling his wavy dark brown hair."

It just gives you some description to add in the places that are less descriptive, such as in between dialogue and things like that. :)

A word about Aeris' character: She seems really naive and vulnerable because of her major crush on James, and he takes advantage of that very quickly. It might just be me, but I really wouldn't mind seeing her get back at him! He deserves to have a taste of his own medicine! :D

Overall, this was a very strong first chapter. I didn't see too many grammar/spelling mistakes, although I would suggest going back over the chapter just to make sure you haven't missed anything! (It happens to me ALL THE TIME, no lie.)

Happy writing!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: HI! Thank you for finding the time to review.

Aries is her name. I think you are right about description of James. The over detail of his skin color is excessive. I will definitely change it. Thank you.

I wanted to give him a description (as I didn't give Aries) because it shows she overly notices him. It aligns with her obsession with him.

Anyway! Thanks a ton for the review!


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