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Review:TidalDragon says:
Howdy! It has been awhile!

Starting with the questions you specifically asked, I think "fit" is fine, in any sense you might have meant that. The characterization of Ellie remained consistent on that front and as far as the plot is concerned, the content of the chapter seemed to mesh with advancing it throughout the chapters entirety. As far as flow, things moved naturally from scene to scene.

I think plot development was somewhat of a mixed bag. Certainly this chapter developed the plot in a substantial way, but without revealing everything. At the same time though, I thought Ellie's exploration of the crack and what lies behind it was too hurried. When confronted with a potentially dangerous place that one has never before encountered, I imagine an explorer being much more cautious and noticing more detail than Ellie did. In hurrying to the room with the statues and the flame, I think there was a missed opportunity to get very descriptive and really put us inside the initial area, which I think would have either dovetailed or contrasted (depending on how you view the two areas) very nicely with the more detailed description you gave of the final room.

A few more minor things jumped out at me from the rest of the chapter. First, there was distinct segment that read like a hit-parade of Muggle items/references. I recall that Ellie has a Muggle parent, but this again seemed excessive and was definitely noticeable. Second was her profanity. None of it struck me as particularly necessary or impactful, which (at least in my humble opinion) profanity should be if it is going to be used. The same sentiments or emotions can be conveyed without it, often in a stronger way because it actually forces you to rely on description of appearance and demeanor and/or dialogue tags and delivery to convey the message. Just a thought.

Hope you found the review helpful! I'm glad to see you're posting again after a bit of a break!

Author's Response: It has, indeed! Exhibit A of my lazy and sporadic updates!

I'm glad that you find the chapter to still "fit". It was my biggest concern with this chapter, since it had been so long since I'd updated. Consistency is important at this point since there's not too great a difference numerically between chapters 1 and 6.

I completely and utterly understand where you're coming from with the pacing for Ellie's exploration. It took me a really long time to write this scene because I kept restarting as something always felt off about it. You've hit the nail on the head, I think. With your words in mind, I read the scene again, and I you have a point. Something to work on, for sure!

Again, I think you've hit the nail on the head. Sometimes, I go a bit overboard with Ellie and her characterisation. I can get a little zealous in flaunting these two traits of hers: her weird fascination for muggle pop culture and profanity. I'm already editing this chapter, so I'll add your notes to my "list of things to look into".

Thank you so much for this review! Your reviews are always so critical and it is AMAZING. I always find myself looking at the story in a different way :)


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