Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:some book worm says:
Hey there, I don't usually do reviews but since you asked so sincerely and your story is just mwaaa *kisses hands like wierdo*... Im not much of a writer but I am an avid reader so I can tell you some general plot/flow related critique things. 1: sometimes where you do the flashback pieces I can't sense that its a flashback and then get confused, I know you usually write "she thought to two days ago when..." And such but its easy to forget. I would suggest italics but I don't know if that's possible on this website or some more emphasis I don't know. I must say that this chapter's flashback was nicely done and in general I like them as a different way of presenting some more info. And 2: I think you haven't developed Carla's character that much, when you mentioned the Dumbledore card thing this chapter I was thinking oh wait what happened after the fire and everything with her, what did she think of her partner being a triator and all that. Otherwise your story is lovely well written and just real nice, keep going! :)

Author's Response: Well thank you for reviewing. With flashbacks I just hate using italics but i'm coming more around to it. In the other story that I have I actually just did a flashback in italics, the problem is that italics are a constant reminder that you aren't in the current moment and this flashback was several pages long. I'm very weird about that. So generally if it is a flashback that helps move the story along I wont use italics so that you aren't taken out of the moment, because once the flashback ends you are reminded that you are somewhere else. But when it's something that doesn't really move the plot forward and is just an added piece of information, then I'll use italics. But that's just my opinion, and I am personally working on how to transition that better. As for Carla, it's funny that you mentioned her because I was literally thinking a few days ago that I need to develop her more. The problem is that she really just doesn't fit into the well. With Bryan, Stacy, and Vivian all of them were directly affected by events, Carla isn't she is more of a witness and voice of reason. That being said I do need to develop her more. I have added in her opinion on the whole partner being a traitor in the current chapter, but to me Carla is also a bit quiet about things that are personal, but you will see what she thinks. Anyways thank you so much for reviewing even though you don't do it often. Long reviews or short one liners are always good encouragement and a reminder that people are reading and wanting to know what happens next. So thank you.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 998
Submit Report: