|Review:||Pretense Of Perfection says:|
I've read the last few chapters, and just wanted to say I think you're off to a great start with this. It's been interesting to read, and I'm having trouble stopping!
Your characters are quite unique...I'm honestly not so sure about Mary at the moment, as I feel we haven't gotten to know her completely yet (it's only chapter 3!), but from what I know so far I like her! Florence is quite over the top and dramatic, not to mention kind of mean and bitter, but definitely not completely unlikable. I think she's a very realistic character. Did I see somewhere that her last name is Meadowes? I'm assuming she's related to Dorcas in some way?
I also like Mafalda so far. She seems pretty level-headed. I don't think I've ever read a fic that she was in, and while I'm not convinced she's in the same year as the Marauders, I really like how you added her in. She seems pretty well-rounded so far. Lily isn't my favorite yet, but then again I feel like she hasn't been around much. I'm assuming that will chance, based on what happens with her friend Laura.
I would like to see more about what Mary and her friends are actually doing...maybe portions of classes they are attending, etc. I feel like a good chunk of the story is Mary's internal thoughts/feelings, and a good bit about their surroundings, but so far their actions haven't really stuck out in any particular way to me yet.
I also like how Mary and James were childhood friends. It's a nice chance of pace, and honestly, something I don't think I've ever thought of, although it definitely fits and makes sense. I'm curious to know more about their relationship, especially as it pertains to the Slytherin boy that they were friends with (I can't remember his name at the moment, sorry!).
And the bit with Regulus was quite interesting as well...do I sense a Sirius/Mary/Regulus love triangle coming on? Probably not, but a girl can dream.
Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you so much for your review! I'm so pleased you're enjoying it so far. I really enjoy writing the characters, to be honest. I'm glad you find them just as realistic. Mary is a hard person to know because of her introversion and the way she doesn't speak her mind too much. It makes her harder to read, I think. Florence is very bitter and angry. It's great you picked up on that, there will be more on it later. She is a fun character though, past all of her horrible traits. I'm also somewhat pleased you don't like Lily right off. I don't really want people to. I've always read her as someone who is perfect and everyone just loves. I wanted to try and change that up to where, perhaps, she has her own things and problems to deal with. She'll eventually become the woman we read about in the books.
I'm glad putting Mafalda in isn't completely ridiculous. I'm not convinced either, but she sounded like she was middle aged from the books and it could potentially fit the timeline. She had to go somewhere so I thought it might be fun to have her here.
I get what you're saying about the actions!! I can sometimes get carried away with describing the surroundings and thoughts I forget about what they're actually doing. I think it get's better as the chapters go on, but I'll definitely come back and edit some more to these chapters, just so everyone has a nice idea of what's happening! Thanks.
It makes sense to me too, if Mary was a pureblood and so was James, they probably would have interacted. Chances are, they would interact with a few other purebloods/halfbloods as well since they don't have to worry about hiding their magic. The other wizard was Wilkes.
Thank you so much for your review! I hope you continue to read and enjoy this!